Page 45 of Never Too Late

And I smile. Not to hide sadness, because I am full of hope.

Not only did seeing Mum give me the wake-up call I needed, but seeing Idah did, too.

It’s time to fight for what I want.

My sunshine.

Chapter twenty-five

Jae

“I regret telling you to stop writing to me. I just want to read your words, anything. I miss you. I wish you could feel how much agony I'm filled with, not knowing how you are or if you're even alive.”

With the warm weather finally making an appearance, I decide to take advantage of the heat and get into the garden. I never would have thought this is what I would do after leaving the army, but I also never thought the love of my life would be in the same town as me again either. So here we are. I’ve avoided going to the high street and cemetery. Idah has come round to see me a handful of times, but I think it’s best to stay away. At least for now.

Guilt and confusion eat me alive. But more so, anger, towards no one else but myself. I didn’t want to scare Dax off the way I did. The image of him running away taunts my mind, leaving me feeling nothing but sadness. I shouldn’t have chased after him the way I did. It was the last thing I would have ever wanted, but as soon as I saw him in front of me, my heart sped up a million miles an hour. I had to be near him. I couldn’t stand the distance between us anymore and before I could think about what I was doing, my body was already acting. The urge to be close to him sent an electric current through me like a live wire. And now, I’m afraid I’ve pushed him too far, for good. Instead of having him in my arms, I am haunted by the memory of him riding away from me, not towards.

The unbelievable urge I had to pick him up, throw him over my shoulder, and bring him home was too much.

It’s the need to show him he’s mine no matter what that last letter said.

Part of me was scared for when I would see him again. Maybe my feelings for him would have weakened. Maybe I didn’t care about him as much as I thought I did. Maybe time changed me. But it did none of those things. Instead, they amplified. I didn’t realise just how much I am head over heels for him, for a man I’m scared no longer feels the same.

No matter how badly I crave to have him in my arms again, the best option for us right now is for me to leave him alone.

Let him have time to think, have space to breathe, and hope that when he’s ready, he’ll come back to me.

I just need him to come back to me.

Distracted from my thoughts, I notice my phone screen flashing on and off from the bench I’d left it on underneath the window frame. Dropping the shovel and gloves currently in my hands, I quickly make my way over to see who’s calling. The last time I spoke to Bee, she mentioned the guys should be home in the next few weeks. She’s also now in her last trimester, so I make sure I answer a call or text from her, scared something is wrong and that she’ll need me.

Picking up the phone and turning the screen on, I notice it isn’t Bee who called, but Idah. Three missed calls flash on the screen. She never usually calls me once, let alone three times. She’s always been one to text, so for her to ring me multiple times is concerning. I start to dial her back when I hear a ringtone going off at the bottom of the garden. Quickly turning around, I see Idah standing there. Her hair is down today, naturally curly. She’s dressed in a baby blue summer dress which both compliments her skin tone and her hair colour perfectly. She looks beautiful.

“Hey, how long have you been standing there for?” I ask as I pick up the towel I had waiting for me and wipe the sweat from my forehead.

“Your side, it’s all bandaged up. Did you hurt yourself? Is there something wrong?” She rushes over to examine closer.

“What? No. I’m not healed properly yet. It’s like 30 degrees. I can’t be wearing a T-shirt in this weather. I put it on to make sure I don’t catch it on anything, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay. You had me worried. Anyway, the weather is so warm and sunny, I felt like taking a walk. I haven’t seen you in a while. I’m starting to get the impression that you’re ignoring me.” She tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear and smiles sadly.

Fuck. Idah thinking I’m ignoring her is the last thing I want.

Before I can open my mouth to speak, she carries on talking.

“So, I thought I would come check to see if you’re, you know, still alive.” She kicks the dirt with her feet after speaking, with tears in her eyes.

She didn’t mean to say what she did.

But before she can say anything else, I take my arm and wrap it over her shoulders, pulling her in for a tight hug. I avoid the side with the bandage. That would be the last thing I need right now.

“I don’t really feel in the mood to go for a walk right now Idah, sorry,” I murmur against her hair. “Sun’s out, got to get on top of the garden before it goes out of control. Can’t risk not doing it today, it’ll probably be raining tomorrow if it doesn’t start in the next hour.”

“Yeah. Okay, I guess. The garden is more exciting than a walk with me anyway,” she announces sarcastically as she turns to start making her way down the path towards the gate. I quietly laugh at myself, subtly shaking my head. I spin on my feet, turning to face back towards the tools that I had left on the floor when rushing to answer the phone.

Until I hear a cough coming from someone behind me.

“Erm, I kinda brought someone with me. I hope that’s okay.” Idah looks guilty as she brushes her palms together and avoids looking at me at all costs; because she didn’t just bring anyone.

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