Page 42 of Never Too Late

His phone starts to ring, breaking the moment between us. He seems reluctant to answer but when I nod, he sighs and answers.

“Yeah, Noah, I know. Just give me five minutes, yeah? I can’t leave him like this. Okay. Thanks, mate. I won’t be long.” He hangs up. “Pretty boy, I’m sorry. But I’ve got to go, Noah is outside. I don’t want to leave you like this, I can’t. Please.”

Fuck, it’s real.

He’s really leaving me.

This was it; the last grain of sand had finally hit the bottom of the hourglass. Our time was up.

Everybody leaves.

He gently pries my hand from my knee, placing a kiss against my knuckles, slowly opening my hand, pulling against my fingers, one at a time.

“Here. Take these. It’s my spare set. Come on, let’s put them around your neck.” I pull my other arm from around my knee, lifting my head up slightly, just enough for him to put whatever he is putting around my neck. I feel no need to check what it is, I trust him with my life. He gently puts the chain around, pulling it down so it’s snug around my neck. Making sure not to tuck it into my shirt, he lifts my hand up slowly, fitting the charm hanging off into my palm, closing my fingers around it along with his own, sealing them round.

His dog tags.

Lifting my head up slowly, I stare at his eyes, his soft emerald eyes. The most alluring things I’ve ever seen. I try to ignore the reflection of myself inside of them. I know enough to know what I look like right now. Strands of my shaggy hair falling over my face, my eyes puffy from crying, my face sore from rubbing the tears away.

There are a million and one things I want to say right now, a million things I want to do. I want to beg him not to go, beg him not to leave. Hell, I’d even chain him to the bed if I could.

“Whenever things get too overwhelming for you, you squeeze these, yeah? You squeeze as hard as you can. You give me your worry, Dax; I will carry it for you. Let me carry it for you,” he whispers, before placing a kiss on my right cheek. Without thinking, I lift my hand up to it. As though I’m cherishing it. Keeping it safe.

Scared to let it fade.

As much as I want to cry again, I don’t. I attempt a face I hope looks brave. I don’t want him to walk out the door with the last thing on his mind being me in tears looking up at him, so I take hold of the dog tags and squeeze.

“Good. You’re doing so good, baby.”

His phone rings again.

Please, no.

Don’t leave me.

“Dax, I’m sorry, I need to go. Please remember what I said about the tags. Whenever you get overwhelmed, whenever you get sad, anything. You hold onto them, and you squeeze. You squeeze so hard, and you don’t let go.”

He puts his hand underneath my chin, pushing it up to look me in the eyes. I try to pull away, I hate the thought of him seeing me like this.

“So, fucking beautiful, Dax.” Kiss. “I love you so much.” Kiss. “I’m sorry I have to leave you, I wish I didn’t have to.” Kiss. “I’m already counting down the days until you’re back in my arms.” A final kiss.

He pulls himself away, I can hear the trembling in his voice.

I lift my head to watch the guy I’m in love with walk out the door and leave me.

I want to run after him.

But I can’t.

Once he gets to the door, he turns around to face me, looking me in the eyes as he gives me a sad smile. Without saying anything more, he takes his hand and squeezes it around the dog tags around his neck. And then he opens the door, taking a step outside and closing it behind him.

And I don’t know what else to do. I scream into the cold air on the floor of my living room and cry for everything I’ve lost until I fall asleep from fatigue, surrounded by nothing but darkness.

I wake with a sudden surge of panic. Panting. Unable to breathe. I quickly adjust myself, attempting to sit up straight, but I struggle as I try to regain my breath. My vision is already overtaken by a cloud of fog. Heartbeat pounding a million times a minute.

I try to scream, but no words come out. Throat feeling sore, feeling trapped. As though hands are placed over my mouth already.

Once I’ve stopped panicking and regain my focus, I wipe my hands on my bedsheets in hopes of getting rid of some sweat from my palms. But it doesn’t work because my palms are still sweaty. Instead, I take hold of the chain around my neck, squeezing harder than ever before. Unsure of what else to do.

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