Page 26 of Never Too Late

No, no, no.

“Hey there, breathe with me yeah? One, two, three...” I can hear a soft voice from my side, yet it feels so far away.

The voice I haven’t heard before slowly starts speaking to me, but my eyes are closed, refusing to open no matter how many times I try. Instead, for the moment, I drown in the voice of the stranger following his instructions on breathing, repeating the numbers in my head over and over again. Seconds go by before I realise I’m rocking back and forth with my head in my hands on the ground. Idah is to my left with her arm around me, trying to soothe me by singing gently in my ear, stroking the hair on top of my head. I don’t know how long we’re in this position before I realise that I’m crying into her side as I’m holding on to her for comfort. Part of me has a feeling of guilt and embarrassment, but before I know it, I’m shaking in Idah’s arms.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” Idah whispers in my ear, holding onto me so tightly. I don’t think she has any intention of letting me go.

Please don’t let me go.

I keep my head buried in her arms, focusing on my breathing as I hear a muffled thanks before the door closes. I give myself a few more moments to calm down before I feel strong enough to raise my head and take a look around me, hoping I haven’t caused a scene.

“No one else is here, don’t worry. It’s just me, you, and Cee. We both panicked, we didn’t know what to do or how to help, Jae. I was scared. You froze. You went limp. Your body just fell to the ground. I moved everything out of the way for you.” She takes in a shaky breath. “Luckily, Tyler, one of the guys who owns the record shop next door, walked in just in time. He helped us. He’s gone now, though. He had to go back to work. I’ve said thanks to him. Don’t worry, he’s a cool guy. He’s just glad he could help.”

“I think I’m going to miss movie night. I think I just need to go to bed.” My voice projects in a hoarse tone.

“If it’s okay, Jae, I’d really like to come with you? I don’t think you should be on your own right now. I’ll call a taxi later on if you don’t want me to stay, or at least let me walk you home?”

“No, it’s fine, Idah, of course you can stay. Come on, let’s go before it gets dark. Thank you, Cee, I’m sorry.”

“Never apologise for something that’s out of your control, son. You’ve always got a place here.”

All I can manage is a nod in reply to Cee before I start bursting out in tears again. I quickly hold onto the door and open it, pulling Idah to my side so we can slowly start walking towards the taxi waiting outside to take us to the house, together.

Chapter fifteen

Jae

“I think about you every day. I know I can’t tell you, but I can’t forget you either.”

I don’t remember much about last night. I think I passed out as soon as I climbed into bed, which probably explains why I’m still wearing yesterday’s clothes. The last thing I can remember is Idah locking the door as soon as we’d both come inside.

Idah.

With no idea of where Idah could be in the house, or if she’s even still here, I swing my legs over the side, slowly sitting up straight.

“PTSD can trigger panic attacks, which is completely normal. It’s your mind and body’s way of reacting to trauma.” The words from the therapist I was assigned to after I came home ring in my head as I force myself to take a quick shower and get ready for the day.

I carefully take the stairs one at a time, before turning into the living room on the right. Advancing towards the sofa, I notice Idah’s feet dangling over the side of the armrest. I quietly turn away, not wanting to wake her, when I hear her voice. “Hey, soldier. Did you sleep okay? I was going to go home but I was worried you would have another panic attack in the night. I thought it was just easier for me to stay. You have a comfy sofa at least.”

Soldier.

I didn’t realise how much I’ve missed being called that.

“I’m sorry you slept on the sofa.” I wince. “I do have a spare room, you know. If you had looked, you would have been able to find it. It’s being saved for when one of the lads comes and visits, but you’re welcome to it too.”

“Hey! I’m not snooping,” she protests. “I’ve watched enough crime documentaries, thank you. What if you had something hidden in there?”

I lift a brow and smirk. “But you still came to my house?”

“Touché,” she concedes. “Well, anyway, you passed out as soon as we got through the door so I just settled with the sofa. It was comfy enough. ten out of ten experience. I do recommend it.”

I can’t stop myself from laughing at her reply – I wonder sometimes how someone who is struggling so much is able to have a smile so bright, with everything hiding behind it. It’s inspiring really. How people go on no matter what has happened in their lives. It reminds me I need to do the same.

“Anyway, I was worried about you. I couldn’t leave. It was no problem for me to stay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She beams.

Her words take me back and I feel myself almost close to crying but manage to stop before the tears start. For a long time, I think I’ve needed someone to take care of me, no matter how much I try not to admit it. Isaac has tried endless times. Bee has too. She has started texting me and calling me to give me updates when she can. Understandably, they contact each other more than they do me. I’d have his head if he didn’t. So, I am grateful to know he’s okay, no matter how I find out. Bee has asked multiple times if I want her to come visit or if I want to go to her; and honestly, I’ve thought about it. It’s just that the idea of being at their house too soon hurts my heart in more ways than one. So instead, I think it’s best for us to stay away from one another for now. We’ve exchanged photos and I’ve become a pro at taking selfies, but I think it’s just too soon to be together face-to-face. I don’t feel ready.

I’m scared I won’t want to come back, even if I have started to make a life here.

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