Page 11 of Never Too Late

Why the hell did I come here in the first place?

The one question that has run through my brain every second of the day since I got here.

As I slowly start to unpack the bags filled with items, mostly for the kitchen, I decide the only option is calling the only person I know who will tell me to get a grip.

Bee, Isaac’s wife.

The only person who isn’t scared of kicking my ass.

So, I place my phone on the kitchen counter after connecting it to Alexa, preparing myself for the biggest scolding and reality check I’ve had yet.

Chapter five

Jae

“I sometimes get too scared to watch the tv or check the newspaper. I get scared I’m going to see your name on there and realise you won’t come back to me.”

Forty minutes later, with half of the bags unpacked, I find myself still sitting on the kitchen floor not feeling any more confident than I did when I first decided to call Bee.

Not wanting the shopping to spoil, I quickly unpack the rest of the bags, attempting to get my life in some sort of order, hoping to find a sense of direction… but I can’t help but feel lost. The one thing I took away from my phone call with someone I thought would fix all my problems, was that moving to the place I knew meant so much to the only guy I’ve ever loved was stupid.

How could I think anything good would come from this?

Luckily, Bee didn’t do the one thing I knew Isaac would do if it was him I’d rang instead.

She didn’t tell me to come home.

Instead, she told me to sort myself out and make the most of my freedom. And that she’s also in need of a room ready for her to come and visit when she needs to escape from her husband and baby.

Scratching at my wrist, I look down at the small tattoo there – the only one I have. I have never been a fan of tattoos; I appreciated the art and always admired them from afar, but they were never something I wanted on myself. But I knew the importance of the word and how much it impacted my life the moment I heard it spoken to me the first time; and having it on my skin permanently was the only solution I had.

If my father knew about the one I have, he’d be turning in his grave.

The four-letter word ‘Home’ stands proudly in contrast against my dark skin. I often think that the word alone is what got me through the difficult times being on the field.

The army had never been a big fan of tattoos. Luckily, the simple word was easy to keep out of sight if needed, but the importance of it was always there with me. It became my own badge of honour.

More so the importance of what the word represented was always with me.

But the more I stare at the four-letter word, I’m reminded, my home isn’t a place. It’s him. The tattoo is my constant reminder. Sometimes it had been too painful to look at and other times I stared at it more than I care to admit.

However, it was also something I often kept concealed, I didn’t speak of it much.

I didn’t speak much of him…

Dax Whitmore is the man I couldn’t stop myself from falling for.

He made it easy, especially when he thought of himself otherwise.

Those lucky enough to be let into his bubble knew the real Dax. Before I left, he had an unstoppable energy, the power to make everyone in the room instantly feel calm and content, and the most beautiful face with piercing blue eyes you wouldn’t be able not to notice.

He was a force to be reckoned with and from the moment he walked into my life, I knew I needed to make him mine. I’ve always been open about my sexuality, those who knew me in the army knew I was attracted to males and not females. I’ve never been afraid of being who I am, instead, I embrace it. He was everything my brain was telling me to stay away from, but my heart said completely different the moment he locked eyes with mine. The way his lips moved to create the most beautiful smile knocked my world off its axis. It made me forget how to breathe.

Meeting someone I connected with so passionately had never been something I dreamed of happening while in the army – let alone in general. I did not expect it to happen at a time when things weren’t certain for me. For a while, we had been on edge not knowing when we were about to be called on tour or not knowing if we were going to be relocated to a different base. For those reasons, I decided to distance myself from people. I wasn’t certain of what was going to happen, and it wasn’t fair to anyone on the receiving end. But I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and whether time was on our side or not, Dax was that reason.

And no matter how hard I try; I will never be able to forget about the day I first met him.

“Hey, Jae man, get another round for us. Yeah?” Isaac shouts towards me as I make my way over to the bar to order some more drinks.

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