Page 107 of Never Too Late

“No. Nothing could change the way I see you or the way I love you.”

“Promise?”

He doesn’t need to ask me to promise. I’d give him the world if he asked.

“With all that I am.”

He lets out a deep breath and his shoulders start to relax, but when he opens his mouth again, they start to tense back up.

“I’ve told Tyler. That I think I’m ready. I don’t know how to go about it, making the appointments and everything else. I’m scared. I’m scared that if I do it, I’ll talk myself out of it.” He pushes his hair out his face, lifting his hood up over his head.

He’s shutting the world out.

“Can you help me?”

“I’ll sort it all out, don’t worry. We’ve got this. And I’ve got you. Remember, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can wait, we don’t need to rush into things. We just want to help.”

“I know, but I can’t wait anymore. I know something isn’t right with me, and I need to know what it is. I feel as though I’ve got something wrapped around me, or I’m caged by something. Until I break it, or it lets me go, I’m scared I’ll suffocate. I don’t know what the doctors will say. And I think that scares me the most, but I know with you by my side, I can do it. I can do anything.”

I just wish he knew he’s capable of doing anything without me by his side.

He pulls out his headphones from his jacket pocket, pushing them into each ear to block out the world around us.

He’s overwhelmed and I can feel it.

There’s no reason to push him right now, so instead, I pull him into my arms, bringing his head to my chest, and I hold him while we watch the waves beyond.

Chapter fifty-six

Dax

“The stars aligned the day we met and fell in love.”

3 months later

I hate waiting.

The uncertainty, the not knowing.

After my first appointment with the doctor, I felt so overwhelmed, so enclosed that as soon as we got through the door back home, I begged for Jae to cut my hair. The length was too much. The weight of it got too much, everything got too much for me; and the only idea I had in my head was to get rid of the one thing I could see weighing me down.

Thankfully it was an instant relief. An unwanted weight disappeared.

We’re currently waiting for my feedback from ten long weeks of assessments and endless appointments. The room we’re currently sitting in is intimidating. The walls are too plain, too white. The seats are extremely uncomfortable and the TV in the corner of the room is too loud. Anxiety runs rampant in my mind, I’m unable to think about anything. I forgot my headphones at the house in a panic, and the backup in the car has no charge. I also decided not to wear a jacket today so I can’t distract myself with the sleeves.

I need to focus, but I can’t.

Everything is too loud.

My hands become sore from the pressure of itching, the skin coming away slowly, starting to bleed.

I feel uncomfortable. I want to run but I can’t.

I’m so tired.

My palms are sweaty, and I feel too hot.

My throat feels dry, and I’m scared I might forget to breathe.

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