Page 100 of Falling Like Stars

“Fuck no. We had a fight. She got physical, as usual. The next thing I know, I’m waking up beside her and she’s all lovey-dovey. So, you can see how fucked I am. If I told Chase and everyone the truth, they might think nothing of it—that I can get laid even in my sleep. Or…”

“Or they’d know it was wrong,” Syd says quietly. “Like I do.”

“It might change their perception of me entirely. I’d have to face them with that degradation always hanging between us.”

“But you don’t mind that with me?”

“Because I don’t think it would change your perception of me. Am I wrong?”

“You’re not wrong, my boy, because you’d have nothing to be ashamed of. You know that, right?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know what happened. Maybe nothing.” I smile wanly. “Guess I’m about to find out.”

I rise from my chair and start to head for the door. Syd says nothing for a moment, then gets up and stops me with a hug.

“You’re good kid, Zach. It hurts my old heart to think of anything untoward happening to you. Ever. Or that sweet girl, Rowan. You seem so happy with her.”

I hug him back. “I am. She’s a gift and I want to give her everything good. Not this bullshit.”

“You’ll get there, I have faith.” Syd thumps me on the back, then let’s go. “Be safe on your trip. If you need anything, I’m a phone call away.”

“Thanks, Syd,” I say. “I appreciate you more than I can say.”

Because what I don’t say is that he’s like a surrogate father to me. Someone I can unburden myself to without worrying my actual father. No sooner does the thought enter my mind than I get a text from Jeremy.

Zach???

Shit. I get in the elevator going down to the lobby. Have Mom or Dad seen it?

They don’t read that crap or any tabloid. But it’s all out there. Is it true?

I’ll touch base in a few days. Are you still home?

Yes. And you didn’t answer my question.

Try to keep them offline if you can. I’ll explain everything later.

There’s a pause, then: I’ll try. Damn, Zach. I’m going to be so happy if I’m an uncle but also so fucking pissed at you because we’ll be stuck with Eva forever.

Christ, he’s right. If Eva’s pregnant with my child, then I’ll be chained to her for the rest of my life. I wanted to cut her off for good, but instead I might have to be in communication weekly, if not daily—endless arguments over visitation, holidays, and school events; dealing with her outbursts and tantrums; potentially needing to protect my kid from his or her own mother.

“Fucking kill me now,” I mutter, and lean my head against the cool metal wall of the elevator.

I have to remind myself I’m not there yet. This might all be bullshit.

Or it might be the rest of my life.

At the house in the Trousdale Estates, I wander the empty rooms. It may feel warmer and less sparse than the previous one, but it’s still huge with stunning views of the city. Five bedrooms, seven bathrooms. I don’t know why I need seven bathrooms, but I can have family over. Friends.

My kid, on the days I have custody.

“Let’s not,” I mutter, and lie down on the floor in the empty living room and shoot Rowan at text.

I’m at the new house. Might buy it. Want to come look?

Because maybe she’ll love it and want to move in with me. Or maybe she’s decided this is all too much. Being torn apart online, her career in the hands of my psychotic ex…

“I’d leave me too.”

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