Page 16 of Burden to Bear

“It can’t be,” my mom interjected. “I spoke to you yesterday afternoon to confirm our arrival today, and you were as happy as ever. You were getting ready for dinner with Todd and his family.”

Tears filled my eyes. Albert wrapped his arm around my back, his hand landing on my opposite shoulder. “Did something happen with his family at dinner yesterday?”

Willing myself not to cry but failing miserably, a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. “I… No. Nothing happened at dinner yesterday, because I didn’t go.”

“What?”

My eyes moved through them, seeing nothing but worry and concern written all over their faces. Nothing was going like I had planned.

“Todd decided he wanted us to take some time apart,” I confessed.

My mom gasped. “Did you know this when I talked to you yesterday?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Did he come here and tell you?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“What happened, Mia?” Albert asked. “Did he say why?”

I couldn’t tell them.

God, I couldn’t tell them.

I wanted to believe I knew how my family would react if I told them I was pregnant, but I’d thought the same thing about Todd. That hadn’t gone anything like I’d expected, so I was struggling to trust my instincts.

“He’s not sure if he wants this any longer,” I answered, my voice just a touch over a whisper.

“He’s a fool.” That came from my dad. It was clear he was angry with Todd for breaking my heart, and he wasn’t going to hold himself back from saying exactly what he thought. “I’m sorry he hurt you, Mia. You deserve better than he gave you. But you know what? It’s better off this way. At least you know now before you get even more involved and attached to him.”

My mom and my brother nodded their agreement with my dad, but I wondered if he’d be saying the same thing and they’d be agreeing with him if they all knew I was carrying that fool’s baby.

Hoping I’d be able to find some semblance of a normal day with my family, I begged, “Can we please just forget about him for now? I’ve really missed you, and I just want to enjoy my first Christmas in my new house.”

Fortunately, my family adored me as much as I did them, so they didn’t hesitate to honor my request. And for the most part, we had a really nice day together. Though there was a cloud hanging over me, my family did their best to distract me with conversation and stories. And in the end, I was grateful for the distraction they’d provided.

They all spent the night as we’d originally planned. For weeks, we’d discussed them returning home the next day, but they were all hesitant to do so. I insisted they not change their plans, somehow convincing them that I needed some time alone to deal with all that I was feeling. In the end, after some push back, they finally agreed to give me what I wanted, only after I promised to call them if I needed them or wanted to talk to someone.

For days afterward, I cried.

I slept, I ate, and I cried.

Todd never called. He never reached out. He didn’t tell me he missed me. He didn’t ask how I was doing. He certainly didn’t tell me he loved me. He never indicated things would be okay. He didn’t even wish me a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year. It was as though I hadn’t ever meant anything to him.

The one person who had reached out to me was Susie. She was Todd’s sister, and I’d gotten along well with her. In fact, we’d gotten together on several occasions throughout the time that Todd and I had been together.

Unfortunately, I’d been far too upset in the days that followed the events of Christmas Eve that I couldn’t bring myself to take her calls. I had responded to one of her texts and told her that I appreciated her reaching out but that I needed some time alone to deal with things. Susie respected my wishes and promised that regardless of what happened between Todd and me, nothing would change our friendship.

I hoped she was serious, because if Todd wasn’t going to want anything to do with this baby, at least my child would get to know his or her father’s family. I had been trying to hold out hope that it wouldn’t come to that, though.

To a degree, I could understand Todd’s initial shock. If he had taken a day or two to come to grips with the news and eventually reached out to check in with me, I would have had some grace for him. I could have accepted that he’d just needed time to adjust to the news and cope with what was going to be our new reality. And I certainly wouldn’t have felt this miserable about it all.

But I was absolutely devastated that I’d seemingly meant so little to him that he hadn’t even taken the time to make any contact with me for more than a week. Even if he didn’t want to continue the relationship, was I to assume all that we’d had meant nothing to him? How had he been able to write me off so easily?

I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get the answers I was seeking, but I’d decided to be the bigger person. One of the productive things I’d done since my world came crumbling down was reach out to my doctor. I’d schedule my first appointment for the pregnancy, and I used that as my opportunity to reach out to Todd. I told him the date, time, and location of the appointment and expressed he was more than welcome to attend. I was hoping he’d come, hoping he’d show a sliver of interest and a change of heart.

He never answered my call, which meant I had no choice but to leave that information on the voicemail. I also followed up with a text, offering the same details, just in case he never listened to the voicemail.

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