Page 9 of Unexpected Hero

My jaw drops. “That was Joey? And he got arrested for it?”

She nods. “Well, Rhonda was the mayor at the time, and Joey definitely trespassed to get all the balloons on her roof and strung up all the signs.”

“Trespassing record? That’s all?”

“They upped it to theft since he used her electrical outlet to plug in the bouncy house and inflatable waving arm guy, thus stealing her power.”

“Fair. But it was a fun day.”

She snickers. “It was. Dawn Alioto puked so much that day.”

“Serves her right for getting tipsy and then jumpin’ for an hour straight in the bounce house.”

“Someone had to beat Candy Harbin’s bounce record.”

“I think we got off track. Back to the story. So Jodi asks about clearing Joey’s record. Then Jenn turns her down because of pie-related diarrhea. What happened next?”

“Jodi asked Liz Matzen since she’s in paralegal school. Liz ended up punting the request to Stephanie Keever at the State Attorney’s office, but she only handles prosecution. She likes to give the crooks records, not wipe them clean. From there, she pestered a whole mess of people from all over the legal system and law enforcement in town. Everyone from Deb Talavera to Ashley Branson to Sue Garland was talking about it.”

“Naturally,” I indulge her.

“Meanwhile, Joey’s wife, Linda, said she was gonna kick him out if he didn’t get a job. In the end, Lisa Proskin-Pierce, Esquire took Joey’s case pro bono. She got his record expunged. Joey stayed married, and now he works in Booking. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.”

My eye twitches.

“Stella, hang on a second while I wrap my brain around all that. You got me feelin’ half a brick short of a load.” I slide down in the bed to rest my head on the pillow, holding the phone over my head so now I’m looking up at my insane friend and her gross lizard.

“Take your time. I know it’s a lot since you’re out of the loop.”

“In the history of man, no one has ever been more in the loop than you.”

She grins and facetiously dusts her fingernails off on her shirt. “Thanks. It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.”

I can’t hold back a giggle. “What on earth does any of this have to do with my ex-douchebag getting arrested?”

“If you followed the TC, you’d be up on all this shit.”

“Wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. This was all on the Town Crier?”

My nutty hometown thinks they need their own social media site. And all the nosy townies use it. Like Stella.

“Well, no. Those details aren’t, but all the people are there. So you’d have had the necessary background.” She snorts a little laugh. “Sarah McDuffie posts the best memes. She’s totally obsessed with this one guy who does all these funny videos while he’s drinking coffee with a straw out of a big pot.”

My palm meets my forehead with a resounding smack. “Focus, Stella. Toby. Arrested. How did that happen?”

“Joey booked him.”

Smart-ass.

“Joey, the cousin of Four Lokos Jodi.”

“The one and only.”

“And how did you find out?”

“The arrest was posted on the TC yesterday. Sheriff Shapiro periodically brag posts about interesting busts. She’s up for reelection. It’s a PR thing.” Stella makes a tsking sound. “I still can’t believe Topless Annette is the Sheriff. This is the same gal who took off her shirt and ran through the car wash on the Fourth of July.” She snaps her fingers twice. “Oh and also went down to her bra at the bonfire the night of our graduation.”

I set the phone on the bed beside me and rollover to scream into my pillow. When I’ve let out my mock frustration, I pick up the phone and roll to my back once more.

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