Page 251 of Unexpected Hero

Me

I need to be honest with you. We should talk. It wasn’t a great day.

After I hit send, the dude leans closer to shout over the music. “Want to dance?”

“No, thank you.” I shift my body away ever so slightly. But the creepier guy is on the opposite side, so I face the front. After throwing back a gulp of my soda, I set my drink down and return my attention to my phone.

Deep breath. Here I go.

Dominant James

I’m here whenever you want to talk, sugar.

Me

Gonna start in text because it’s easier for me. I need to get this all out.

Dominant James

Okay, baby. Whatever you want.

Me

So you know I was upset about the condom thing. I feel horrible about it. I shouldn’t have been so reckless and put us in this position.

Dominant James

That was on me. I thought we talked about that already.

Feeling nervous over what I’m about to type out, I chug the rest of my soda in three long pulls of my straw as my thoughts shuffle into order. Exhaling forcibly, I type it out as fast as I can.

Me

Yeah, but you know how I think. Of course I’m gonna end up blaming myself. Then the damn Plan B made it worse. I was still dealing with ending up like my birth mother and disappointing Mama. Then bam! You showed up with that, and I freaked out.

Dominant James

I shouldn’t have bought it without asking you first. I wasn’t thinking about your religious baggage and how that might trigger you. I was just trying to solve a problem.

Me

That’s the thing. Why do you think of it as a problem? Do you not think I’d be a good mother? Is the idea of having a baby with me that horrible to you?

Dominant James

…

Me

Hang on. Not done!!! All day, I was a wreck. Mad at myself for feeling shame. Mad at my mama for everything. Mad at my self-doubt for making me feel lacking.Mad at you for not loving me the way I love you. Mad at everything.

Me

But mostly I was scared. I was sooo scared.

Dominant James

I have so much I need to say to you. Can I call you? See you?

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