Page 57 of A River of Crows

“Okay, Mom, but about college—”

“So that’s what you want to do?” Darkness crossed Caroline’s eyes. “You want to fly off to Longview and attend a fancy private Christian school. You want to try to fit in with the cool crows?”

“Come on, Mom. How could I turn down a free ride?”

Caroline raised her coffee mug to her lips. “You’ll never fit into their flocks. You can change the way you caw, but they will see right through you.”

Sloan knelt, pretending to sort pans in a cabinet by the stove. She didn’t want her mother to see that she’d gotten to her, but Caroline was right. Sloan would never fit in at LeTourneau. She squeezed her eyes shut, wondering how the hollowness in her chest could somehow feel this heavy.

“Mallowater Community College is a good school, Sloan. Cheap, too. We’ll figure out a way to pay for what financial aid doesn’t,” Caroline said.

Sloan blew out a long breath and lowered her head. She noticed a penny nearly pushed under the stove. She remembered her last breakfast with her dad and smiled despite herself. “We could make washers.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” Sloan closed the cabinet and stood, accidentally kicking the penny underneath the oven. “You’re right. I’ll finish my application to MCC after work.”

“Good girl.” Caroline lowered her coffee cup and smiled. Sloan searched her mother’s smile, trying to find a glimmer of the bright, nurturing, and generous woman she’d once been. It was no use. Caroline Radel was lost. Lost like Ridge at Crow’s Nest Creek. Lost like Jay Hadfield after Vietnam. Lost like the penny underneath their oven. Lost like Sloan’s dream of a new beginning.

The night air was unusually chilly for June. Sloan pulled her hoodie over her head as Noah added another piece of wood to the crackling fire.

“Everything okay?” Noah asked. “You seem quiet.”

Sloan looked up through the rustling trees at the black sky, so clear she could detect hints of colors in the stars. “Which stars are the hottest again?”

Noah sat next to her on the gravelly ground and looked up. “Blue’s the hottest, followed by white, yellow, and orange. Red’s the coolest.”

“Sounds like you are enjoying your astronomy class. Sloan took a deep breath. It was now or never. “I hear LeTourneau has an excellent science program.”

Noah laughed. “Maybe so, but you know I’m going into the Academy.”

“But why? Is that what you want?”

Noah brought a shoulder to his ear. “I guess.”

“You guess? Come on; you don’t have to do what your dad wants. This is your entire life you’re talking about.”

“And that’s why you’re headed to beauty school?” Noah asked.

“Well, actually . . .” Sloan picked up a pinecone and tossed it into the fire. The sap popped and hissed.

“Well, actually what?” Noah’s back straightened.

“I’d like to study education.”

Noah smiled warmly. “I can see you as a teacher. You can get your basics at MCC and transfer somewhere else.”

“That’s the thing.” Sloan grabbed a pine needle and twirled it around in her fingers. “I don’t want to go to MCC.”

Noah’s face fell the slightest bit. “Okay. Where do you want to go?”

“LeTourneau,” Sloan said. “Someone’s offering to pay my tuition and living expenses if I do.”

“What? Who?”

Sloan shrugged. “Anonymous donor. I realize I’d be dumb to throw that away, but I’m not sure I can leave Mom.”

“Oh, come on, Sloan.” Noah playfully punched her shoulder. “Didn’t you just tell me I don’t have to do what my dad wants? That it’s my life?”

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