Page 52 of Blinded By Love

It’s a good feeling at first, those butterflies in your stomach, but then they will make you want to throw up when you find out that those butterflies can just cause harm.

I don’t know why I feel like I don’t deserve to have those butterflies in my stomach. It's just every time I do have them for a guy they always end up causing me harm.

It’s like a repeated cycle.

I get feelings for a guy and things are great for a while until it all just crashes and burns.

In the end I’m just left feeling even more insecure and as unloveable as I did before. I’ve waited so long to have something real for someone and be in a relationship because I see everyone else in one but when I’m close to having that it gets ruined.

“I wonder how they got him here,” I question, trying to take my mind off of my overthinking.

“Oh this house always has something crazy going on. Last year they had a Santa Clause giving out candy and free gifts.”

Oh so they're rich rich?

“Let’s look at the houses over there, Natalia. Let the other kids touch the reindeer!” I hear Alex yell, making me stop petting Cosmo and look at her.

Alex is standing with Hayden and Chris, waiting for us.

Natalia pouts before walking towards Chris. I chuckle and follow her as they start walking. I shiver, cursing at myself for not bringing another layer.

I’m only wearing a long sleeve undershirt and then a cream knitted sweater. I thought it wouldn’t be that cold since the weather seemed nice outside and I wanted to dress cute since Alex told us she was taking pictures. Natalia is wearing almost the same thing as me and she doesn’t look cold, but that’s also because she is probably used to this weather.

I feel a warm jacket being placed on my shoulders making me look up and see Hayden next to me. “You should have brought a sweater or something,” he mutters while fixing his jacket on me.

“I didn’t think it would be that cold outside.” I slip my hands through the sleeves while looking at Hayden.

He’s only wearing a sweater now instead of the jacket layered on top.

“California weather is nothing compared to Utah weather.” Hayden looks at his jacket on me, tilting his head to the side questioningly. “Do you feel better?”

I nod my head but can’t help but wrap my arms around myself, trying to get a little warmer. “Yea, a little.”

Hayden suddenly walks closer to me and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to his body.

The gesture is odd but also warm and sweet. This is the first time Hayden has actually touched me like this, wrapped his arm around me and voluntarily wanted to hold me. His touch feels familiar like a distant memory from shadows.

While he pulls me against his body, I can’t help but think what the hell is he doing?

Why is he making me feel like this? Why does he have to be so back and forth when it comes to me?

My heart and head are so confused and I don’t know if I should enjoy his hold on me or push him away.

“If you’re still feeling cold I can drive you back to the house,” he says as we walk while I still stare at him with shock.

“Why are you being nice to me now?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

I can’t help but wonder; why?

All of the questions are driving me crazy.

I just need to know what his game plan is so that I can protect my heart because who else will?

Hayden looks down at me. His jaw clenches before he relaxes it. He looks away from me and continues walking, pulling me to his embrace closer.

It’s crazy how fast his feelings can change with just one word or look.

“Because it’s hard to hate you, Jaclyn. Stop being so goddamn enticing and then we can go back to hating one another.”

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