Page 53 of Blinded By Love

I just wish he could say that while looking at me.

He’s making things for me harder. I want to stop him from making me feel these weird bubbly feelings that are rising from my chest.

But I can't lie and say I’m not attracted to Hayden because I am. It’s not helping when he is nice and touchy with me at the same time.

I can’t be liking someone like Hayden Night because guys like him don’t stay and pick up the pieces.

They leave you to fend for yourself, desperately waiting for someone, anyone to help you heal from the past trauma and the false reality they promised you.

Twenty-Five

Jaclyn

“Jaclyn,” a familiar voice says while shaking my shoulder. “Jaclyn, wake up,” they say louder this time. I open my eyes slowly and stretch my arms over my head. Natalia’s face is directly in front of mine. I flinch away from her, pressing my head against the pillow. “Finally. Can you get up?” She raises an eyebrow at me as if I’m the problem when she is the one who woke me up.

“Why?” I sit up and look around the room, rubbing my eyes from how tired I am.

I look down at my phone seeing it’s eight in the morning. “It’s Christmas? Remember? Santa Claus and presents and all of that other fun stuff?” she says as my eyes go to the date that reads on my phone. “Get up, put some clothes on and then come join us downstairs.” Natalia jumps off my bed and then runs out my door.

I hear loud thumps go downstairs as she runs.

So Natalia was that kind of kid growing up.

Last night, we all watched a Christmas movie in the living room. Carter got the night off and he spent it with us. Hayden wasn’t around though. I’m not sure if he was in his room or out.

I can’t get his words from the other night out of my head. His words about not wanting to hate me are engraved in my memory and I can’t help but feel the heart in my chest go a little crazy.

He makes me feel things that I shouldn’t feel, especially when I’m trying to focus on bettering myself and healing my own demons that my father gave me.

But when Hayden touches me, worries about my diabetes, and gives me his sweater or jacket, I can’t help but feel cared for and like I actually matter to someone.

And mattering to someone is one of the best feelings in the world.

After I put a random sweater on I go downstairs where everyone is waiting. “Sorry for being late. I had to freshen up.”

Chris and Natalia are sitting on the floor next to the tree. Alex and Carter are sitting next to one another on the couch. Carter has his arm wrapped around Alex’s shoulder as she snuggles into his embrace. Then Hayden is sitting on the single armchair. I choose to sit down on the floor, near Hayden and the tree.

“Don’t apologize, honey. If Natalia didn’t wake up we would probably all be sleeping,” Alex says which makes Natalia roll her eyes.

”You guys are crazy for wanting to sleep in on Christmas.” Natalia grabs the closest present to her and examines it.

While she examines it I look at Hayden but he is already staring at me. Butterflies burst in my stomach as he stares at me with a heated gaze.

“What?” I ask before looking down at my sweater, thinking I had something on me. The sweater I’m wearing happens to be the one he gave me to wear in the car when we were driving here. “I’ll give it back to you. Sorry-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Hayden forces his eyes away from me and looks at Natalia.

I contain a smile that wants to burst on my face.

I need to bury all of these emotions down and never think about them. My mom always said that I fall easily because I have never fallen in love before. That’s just another reason why I try to steer clear of relationships because I can't help but wonder what kind of dangers being in love will get me.

Will I be blinded by it like my mom was?

Will the person I am head over heels in love with eventually leave me?

That’s what I’ve always been afraid of, being left alone in the end and having to pick up the pieces of my broken heart myself.

I force those thoughts away and focus on what’s happening in the present.

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