Page 4 of Blinded By Love

“What about-”

“You’ll meet a boy,” she cuts me off, furrowing her eyebrows some more and still looking down at my palm. "He will not just embrace you but he will challenge you in ways you will never expect. This boy will not just show you love but he will also show you hate and depression, unlike you’ve ever seen.”

“I’m not going to Arizona to meet anyone. I don’t want-”

“You don’t want to but you will. You will meet him, you will fall in love with him. He will show you everything a first is supposed to show you. Whether you want it or not. This boy won’t just be someone passing by in your life, he will be a permanent fixture in your life.” She looks up at me, her eyes piercing through mine. “You didn’t ask for a love reading but this boy will be one of the main aspects in your life. You may not connect the dots with what I’m saying. You may leave thinking you wasted a good forty-five dollars on this.” She leans closer and lets go of my hands. “But just know this. You will be happy eventually.”

My lips part and my heart races and beats against my chest hard. “What if I don’t want this? What if I want something calm and peaceful?”

After the last guy I dated I promised myself to stay away from boys because they only bring trouble. I just feel like every time I try to start something with someone they leave.

Everyone always leaves and it makes me feel like I’m the problem so I promised just to stick by myself because it’s better that way.

Madga smiles softly and shakes her head. “Child, life isn’t meant to be calm and peaceful.”

Two

Jaclyn

“You’re fucking crazy,” I say silently, making sure she doesn’t hear me.

Last time I called her crazy she put her hands on my neck and threatened to choke me until I said sorry. That day, things changed between us. She might not think so because she still acts the same but I see her differently.

I will never forget how she looked at me when she put her hands on my throat. She looked like she was a second away from killing me just because I called her crazy.

But when her ex-boyfriend called her names, all she did was cry.

I don’t understand how different she acted between me and him.

Her daughter and her ex-boyfriend.

Mateo did a handful on her and she still talks to him to this day to make sure he isn’t fucking up his life like my dad did. My mom feels like she’s indebted to him because he helped her out of depression when my grandma died.

I told her she needs to stay away from him because he is manipulative but she doesn’t get that.

She says I don’t know anything about love so I can’t give her that kind of advice.

It’s like she’s blinded by everything when he is around or the topic.

“You won’t be able to live on your own. You’re going to fail. You can’t even have a stable job. You refuse to work a 9 to 5 so you can, what? Become a writer. You’re foolish to think you will have a full time career. Those are dreams, Jaclyn. Those don’t happen for people like us, like you.”

A single tear falls from my eye and I wipe it before she sees and I close my eyes.

Don’t cry.

You can’t waste your tears at the beginning of the month. Those are meant for the end of the month so that everything washes away before the next one.

I lick my lips and open my eyes.

I zip up my duffle bag with all of my clothes. I already put most of my things in my car last night so I could leave as fast as possible today. I was planning to leave before she got home from work but that’s not the case.

“You don’t understand and you never will because you won’t have a career like mine.” I turn around and face her. She has that look in her eyes. The kind of look where you know she will start yelling and making you feel like shit. Best thing to do is not talk back or just say 'okay' with meaning. That’s what I’ve been doing since I was fifteen. As a nineteen year old, I’m just done. “I told you a few months ago I was leaving. We already had this argument. I’m not going to have it with you again. I’m not going to repeat myself.”

I put the strap of my duffle bag on my shoulder. “You won’t do anything. What will being a writer even accomplish for you when you can’t even keep a damn job?”

Her words break my heart and make me want to cry. She is the only person who manages to do it.

She is the only person who manages to hurt me without doing much.

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