Page 36 of Wanted
He wasn’t her dom though, as he was so fond of saying. She didn’t dare tell him any of those observations for fear he might read too much into them and withdraw, taking these precious moments that were, to be honest, sometimes the only things keeping her going when her ghostly past rose up to overwhelm her.
“Spencer kept me sane during the worst of it,” he said.
She was glad. She was glad he’d had someone there to do that for him, like he was doing for her.
“Tell me,” Marcus said, changing the subject. “What’s the one thing that you’d like to do when all this is over? What’s the one thing that will cement in your mind that you’ve not only survived all this, but you’ll finally be able to live your life the way you want?”
“Anything?”
“Anything at all. No fear of judgments. It’s no one’s business but yours.”
He continued to eat, watching her while she considered it. She didn’t need to think very hard, because although she knew she shouldn’t want anything like it, she did know what she wanted more than anything else.
“You’re not going to like it.” She faced the nachos. They were infinitely safer than continuing to let him read her thoughts. He was way too good at it anyway.
“I don’t have to like it. It’s your life. You’re goal.”
She scoffed. “I don’t have that luxury. The hospital will say...”
“The hospital won’t get a say, and neither will the court if I get my say. What is it? What do you want?”
She knew better than to be honest right now. She ought to say something practical—a job, a healthy bank account, her driver’s license back and the freedom to go anywhere she wanted. The ability to go into a store and not panic that she wasn’t getting the right thing.
“A dom,” she softly confessed. “I want to be owned again. I want to serve.”
She risked a peek at him, but he was just watching her, chewing.
“I can see that,” he said.
His mild acceptance killed her. “You don’t think that’s wrong?”
“There’s a lot of bad doms out there,” he said with a sniff. “You landed the king of them, but that doesn’t mean your next one won’t be one of the good ones. We just have to get you to a point where you can tell the two apart. So, what do you think? Do you want to try tackling a play party?”
She startled so badly, she almost choked on her next chip. “Where?”
“Black Light.” His gaze held hers like a challenge. “I know the manager. Pretty sure I can get us an invite. Might be beneficial for you to get comfortable in that environment again. Relearn the rules. Meet people. Maybe even play, although if we do that, we’ll be going in with me as your mentor. You don’t play without my permission, and I will vet every single person you talk to and definitely everyone you scene with.”
She was too stunned even to continue eating. “Y-you’d let me scene?”
“You’re a submissive, Anna. Part of being a healthy person is getting your needs met, and that includes the kink needs. Yes, I’ll let you scene. I’ll let you meet people in a healthy environment under rules designed to keep you safe. That’s part of my job and why everyone pulled together to get me assigned as your guardian.”
What would she have to do for that? She couldn’t think beyond the impossible carrot being dangled before her.
“When?”
“I think a play party would be a good reward for progress made, don’t you?”
Here was the trap, the traitorous part of her brain realized. Here was where he would find a way to yank it out of her reach, because she’d been stupid enough to admit she wanted something.
She tried to shrug, to pretend too late that it didn’t matter, but she couldn’t. “Reward for what?”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure yet. I think maybe once I see you can safeword or refuse something I tell you to do, then that might be a good indicator that you’re ready to try a play party.”
Say no to him? He might as well ask her to pluck the sun out of the sky and hand it to him.
“I tried to say no to getting up once,” she quipped. “You paddled my butt.”
Chuckling, he shook his head. “Yeah, and I’ll do it again too. Detrimental defiance doesn’t count. I want you to say no to me for making you eat a jalapeno if you don’t like them. Or say no to me if I ask you to sit too close to me on the couch. I want to know you can say no to sitting too close to someone you don’t like and that you won’t do it just because you want to submit to someone, anyone, because that ghost in your head says you’ll be punished if you disobey.”
