Page 5 of The Villain

South

I’m obsessed.

I’m losing sleep. I’m not eating properly. I practically live in this rental car.

I can’t stop. He isn’t giving me enough. Shade is a tease.

I’m enjoying it too much to take a break.

He spent two months holed up in his apartment without leaving. I’ve been ordering him food and having it delivered to make sure he was still eating. Sometimes he would open the door and take it, sometimes he wouldn’t. The brief views of his deterioration prompted me to visit the four asshole’s abandoned house for a little wakeup call when they return.

They’ll come back.

How could they stay away from this kind of perfection?

It will be better for them to understand that he’s off limits as soon as they return. If they don’t pay attention to the only warning I’m giving them, it’s their problem.

He started leaving his place about six weeks ago. Eight weeks of total isolation. Six weeks of learning his routine.

Tera had a mini celebration as soon as I texted her to let her know he was going out. It didn’t matter that he walked to the nearest coffee shop and got a drink only to turn around and come home. It didn’t matter that he was auto piloting like a zombie, scruffy faced with bed head, or that he was in adorable pajamas and pink bunny slippers. He got out, it counts. Tera told me to keep my distance but remain on task watching him in case he backslid.

As if I would leave. The only chance he has of me going away is if he tells me to himself. If he bans me, I’ll listen. It will ruin the game he has no idea we’re playing but I will listen to him.

He’s become a necessity to me. A brightly lit flame of colors I’ve never witnessed. But I know that when he wants out I’ll let him have it. I’ll give him anything if it will keep him from making that awful scream again.

He hasn’t backslid. Tera’s bestie brought his car back but he didn’t open the door to talk to her when she knocked. He still walks to the coffee shop despite the car delivery.

He kept going out, starting at once a day in the afternoon to stop at his coffee shop. Then he started going to the gym on Fridays. He keeps getting up earlier and earlier in the day. I have to leave my apartment at four in the morning now and it’s slowly sucking my soul out with exhaustion. I’m trying to put myself on his schedule but my erratic sleeping patterns and the need to keep earning money are throwing a kink in the works.

The following is sadly limited because he rarely goes anywhere but that’s still a day spent in my car, less than four hours of sleep with my job, and trying to organize the move into my new house as soon as it’s ready.

But the sight of him, especially now that he’s doing better, satisfies something in me I’ve never had before.

It’s enough to convince me to stay here permanently. It was a thought when Tera called to tell me about her hiding act. Now it’s a need that I gave in to quickly.

The last two weeks Shade has been more aware, looking around and taking things in. He picks up the delivery of groceries every time I order them now. He exercises at the gym for a few hours. He eats at a diner that he likes every Thursday. After his meal he always gets a slice of pie. Never with ice cream or whipped cream. No frills. Just a slice of pie. I want to know what flavor it is.

Banned.

He's shaving and dressing in jeans and t-shirts now. I miss the secret pajama peeping. It’s the only piece of his personality that I have. He watches anime that much is obvious. A link between us that only I know about. Sometimes I sit and imagine what it would be like to watch one with him next to me. Would he have an expression? I haven’t seen any more yet, even in his depression he’s shut down tight.

I want to see him smile. Relaxed. His face when he cums.

Instead I follow him. Watching the way he moves as he walks in front of me. He’s got a grace to his steps that surprises me. He’s been working hard at the gym, fighting his demons via weights, and it’s beginning to really show.

He always opens his blinds at five on the dot now. I see him eat and drink from a teacup as he paces. Always without an expression. Then he leaves at 5:15 and I follow without hiding. Every morning for the last two weeks. His schedule has been reset to whatever his normal was before.

Now that his behavior has reached a steadier state I can let him see me. No more hiding in plain sight for him. I won’t let anyone else see. Just my statue. A game he has no idea I’m playing.

If I don’t want people to see me, they won’t. As simple as that and as complicated as well. I can walk beside him and he would never know. I haven’t. It would be too tempting to touch. Any contact with him will break the strange illusion and he’ll run from me.

I’ve been parking across from his window when he opens his blinds. I tried to keep it stealthy at first but now I just want him to see me. To feel even half the obsession that I do. What would that be like? To have my devotion returned? I don’t know if I could ever let that go.

I’m standing a few feet behind him now, waiting for him to cross the street so I can follow him to get his coffee. I glance down at my phone as it vibrates in my hand to see a text from Tera and when I look up, he’s gone.

My heart lurches as my eyes shift to see where he is without turning my head. Nothing.

Odd.

---