Page 93 of Ethan

"He wants to see other people?"

"That would be the definition of open. Made it sound like he was doing it for me. He said, and I quote, 'You wouldn't have to give up men your own age for my sake.'"

"He obviously doesn't know you. You're very much a closed relationship guy." Owen rubbed my back between my shoulder blades, calming me. "Maybe he wants to see women too."

"Fuck … I hadn't even thought of that." I shook my head. "No, the more I think about it, the more I think he's telling the truth. That he would want to be open for my sake. He thinks he wouldn't be enough for me because of the age difference. Like I'm some kind of sex addict. Not sure that makes me feel any better. Surely, he must know he means more to me than that."

"What are you going to do?"

A tear ran down my cheek. "Love shouldn't hurt this much."

"Sometimes it does until you sort things out."

I set my cup down and leaned my head against Owen's shoulder. "How would you know that?"

"Fuck off." Owen shook with soft laughter. "I read."

"It would be so much easier if I was just attracted to you."

Owen snorted. "I'm not so bad."

"You'd smother me."

"In a loving way." Owen hugged me to him. "What are you going to do?"

"Sleep on it—again. I'm torn. I don't even know if he's in love with me."

"Would that make a difference?"

I groaned. "I don't know. Even if he loves me, maybe our expectations for a life together are different." I yawned, righted myself, and scrubbed my hands through my hair. "I need sleep."

"Do you want me to stay over?"

I grabbed Owen's arm. "Please."

Owen rose to his feet, took my hand, and hauled me up. "Bed." Fully clothed, my best friend wrapped me in his arms, holding me as I fell asleep. I awoke briefly some time later.

Owen was asleep. For a second, I'd thought his arms were Daniel's.

I tucked closer to him and soaked my pillow with tears.

I loved Daniel but he and I wanted different things in life. It was still early enough in our relationship that recovery wouldn't send me into a tailspin. I needed to protect my heart.

There was only one decision I could make.

The phone calls and text messages stopped. We both knew it was over. There was no reason to hash it out over the phone. My hanging up on him after effectively telling him to fuck off had been enough of a message to let him know I wasn't interested in continuing our relationship.

I pulled onto the driveway of my parents' house. My mom had this dinner planned for weeks. The whole family would be there. I didn't feel like I had the option of jamming out.

The big farmhouse came into view. Recently, my parents had painted the house a pale yellow, covering up the boring white it had been for the entirety of my childhood. I had happy memories of racing around the wrap-around porch and swinging on the many porch swings.

I lifted the bowl of potato salad off my passenger seat I had made and headed into the chaos that was my family. In addition to my mom and dad, there were my two sisters, their husbands, and five nieces and nephews ranging in age from eight months to eight years old.

Everyone was piling into the backyard as I made a beeline to the kitchen. My mom and my eldest sister, Emma, were racing around, organizing all the food that had been brought. It looked like we were having marinated chicken breasts done on the barbeque. Hotdogs for the kids.

Emma came over and kissed my cheek. "Hey, little brother. How are you doing?"

"Honestly? Life sucks right now."

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