Page 89 of Devious Knight

Today I’m taking a page from her book so I can put Kade out of my mind.

I’ve been walking on thin ice since yesterday’s disaster. I can’t believe Kade and I went so far. And Ms. Minchin…

My God. I’m still so embarrassed.

She heard me. She heard us. And she knew exactly what was going on even without seeing that my clothes were on inside out and my bra was on the fucking floor.

To say that I’ve lost my mind doesn’t quite sum it up. But the worst thing is realizing that the problem about yesterday was me. Not Kade.

I knew what to expect from him. I was even prepared for it, yet I played the fool and severed all avenues to walking away. So I can’t completely blame him.

Kade didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t want.

I kissed him back.

I took my clothes off for him.

I agreed to more.

I’ll even admit that I would have gone all the way if Ms. Minchin hadn't stopped us. I also wouldn’t have cared where we were because I wanted to be with him.

I would have given myself to him right there. But he wouldn’t have cared about what I was giving him.

Sure, he didn’t know I was a virgin until I told him in my roundabout way—after he insinuated that I was some kind of whore. But I imagined him seeing it as one more thing to screw with me. That’s why I turned him down.

He let me go when he realized what I was telling him. I haven’t seen him since.

Some guys don’t like virgins. I once heard someone say that they’re too clingy, and most guys don’t want the responsibility of being someone’s first.

I’ve been praying that Kade could be one of those guys but part of me knows I just shocked him. He’ll be back at some point, then I’ll feel more conflicted than ever because yesterday left me mind-fucked.

I’m glad Tiffany put me on goodie bag duty. It means I have fewer chances of having another run-in with Kade, if he attends.

All I have to do is walk around handing out the goodie bags to anyone wearing a silver bracelet. Those are the people who sponsored the event and donated a substantial amount to the charity.

I approach the Medieval-design archway; the beauty momentarily soothing my mind.

Freya’s Hall is one of the buildings that looks like where the elves lived in The Lord of the Rings. This building is the most popular because of the intricate old world interior design and the view of the river in the background.

I find the break room and get myself dressed in the uniform Tiffany left me, then head to the grand hall where I’m greeted by soft jazz music and the symphony of excited people.

It’s nice to see that the hall is already packed even though the event just started. This event isn’t as formal as the one weeks ago, so everyone has shown up in more of a smart casual style. There also aren’t as many officials here.

I’m supposed to find Eilish and Annika.

Annika and I are working together tonight, and Eilish is supervising us. Poor Mackenzie is stuck with Tiffany.

I haven’t spoken to Annika or Eilish since last week so it will be comforting to spend some time with them. Hanging around Eilish may also fend off any unwanted contact and conversation between Kade and me.

I spot them standing by the tables at the end of the hall holding the tower of mini chocolate tarts.

My spirits lift at the sight of them, so I shove my worries away and quicken my step. I can go back to figuring things out when I’m done here. Right now I don’t want to think about Kade.

Annika was away with Thorne for the weekend. She’s smiling from ear to ear and her face is animated with happiness. She always looks like that when Thorne does something special for her.

When she sees me approaching she squeals and flies toward me, then she hugs me as if we haven’t seen each other in centuries.

“Hey, there.” I giggle, feeling comforted by the hug.

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