I’m pregnant.
And I don’t know how I feel about it.
The worst thing is that I keep comparing myself to others. Hannah was over the moon excited when she found out. Isa was scared because she and Alessandro were separated at the time, but even she showed a hint of excitement. Heck, even Aimée was happy, though that happiness faded when she found out she was having girls.
My hand goes to my soft stomach.
So, why in the hell don’t I know how to feel about this?
Sighing, I slip out of bed, grabbing my robe. Both Corbin and Somya will be in their own rooms, so I can sneak out of the bedroom and watch TV in the living room without disturbing Grant. He reaches for me in his sleep, mumbling something as I close the door behind me.
In the living room, I find the envelope the doctor I met with yesterday sent over. There are pamphlets, like she said, but I guess I didn’t think too much about what those pamphlets would contain.
The first is for new parents with basic information about what to expect during the first trimester. There’s a handy guide of things to try for morning sickness and also a chart of the fetus’ size each week. There’s nothing on there for the size that my baby would be, but at five weeks it’ll be the size of an apple seed.
The second pamphlet is for parents who wish to give their children up for adoption. My chest is tight as I look it over. Even though this isn’t something I would choose, it’s still very well put together and offers a lot of information. The third pamphlet is for parents who want to abort their pregnancies. Colorado is a state where the procedure can still be performed without legal ramifications. As with the other two pamphlets, this is full of information and things to consider.
I set it aside, reaching for the bag. Inside, there’s a week’s worth of prenatal vitamins and a coupon to use when I need more. Opening the package, I pop one into my mouth and then take a swig of water, swallowing the pill.
Leaning back, I exhale.
I think I know what I’m going to do.
“You okay, Little Fae?”
A sob works its way up my throat and has Grant rushing to my side.
“What is it?”
“I want to have this baby,” I cry into his shoulder. “But what if the Brotherhood tries to ruin everything?”
He holds me close, kissing the top of my head.
“They won’t, Greer.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because we have the numbers on our side.”
I look up at him, sniffling. “What?”
“Brooks and Moretti are going to be fathers soon, too. Do you really think they want their children to go through the same things they did?”
I shake my head.
“No, they don’t, and neither do I. That’s three out of five. We’re going to change this, and soon.”
I wipe at my eyes. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For telling me what I need to hear, even though we both know it won’t be that easy.”
“Oh, baby.” He pulls me even closer. “I don’t say things I don’t mean. We’re going to make sure that rule is changed. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He holds me until my tears have dried and I pull back so I can look up at him.