Page 22 of Fragments of You

“Nash...”

“I’ve got two years left, P. I’ve lasted a fuck lot longer than that already. Two years is nothing. Just let me do this my way.”

“Okay,” I concede, knowing it will do me no good to push. We’ve had this conversation dozens of times, and it always ends the same. “How about a distraction then?” I push to my knees before slinging a leg over him, straddling his lap.

“A distraction, huh?” His hands slide up the back of my shirt, cool against my bare skin. “What did you have in mind?” He looks up, a hint of a smile on his lips.

“I think you can use your imagination.” My fingers slide through the back of his hair, angling his face with mine.

“And this, P, is why I love you so goddamned much.”

“And don’t you forget it,” I whisper, softly pressing my mouth to his.

WALKING TO THE ROCKS feels like the worst case of déjà vu I’ve ever experienced. Memories hit me one after the other. The countless times I made this walk blurring together into a compilation of a life that feels so long ago and yet so close I could almost swear no time has passed at all.

This is where Nash and I played as kids. The woods. The trees. The rocks. They all hold so many fragments of our past. The day Nash told me he liked me more than just a friend happened here. Our first kiss, I think as I pass the very tree Nash pressed me against as he kissed me for the first time. I can still feel the way the bark scratched against my back as if etching the memory into my very skin. Nash carved our initials into the tree that same day so that we’d never forget... Like I ever would.

The first time we... I don’t finish the thought as I reach the clearing in the trees and look down at the water below. It was on that very shore that I shared my body with him for the first time. If I close my eyes hard enough, I can almost go back there, to that night. The sound of the water as it lapped at our feet, the chirp of the crickets, the cool breeze that whipped through my hair as Nash removed my shirt. I was so scared I was shaking, and yet I had never been so sure about anything in my entire life.

“You came.”

I jump at the sound of Nash’s voice, so enveloped by the past, I had nearly forgotten about the very reason I find myself here today.

I look up to find him already up on the rock, the one we dubbed Pash Pebble when we were like eleven because P and Nash put together and the fact that it’s a rock... Though I guess I don’t really need to explain the name.

It’s so strange seeing him there, the way I have so many times before. He looks so much different now, older and more mature, and yet still Nash. And when he looks at me with those stark blue eyes of his, a small part of me wants to run to him. To throw myself into his arms and beg him to erase the past four years and never leave me again.

I quickly shove that part down as deeply as I can get it. Because no matter how much I wish we could go back to being those two crazy teenagers who were so madly in love we were consumed by it, we can’t. Those people don’t even exist anymore.

“I said I would.” I cross my arms in front of my chest, rooting myself to this spot rather than climbing up on the rock with him the way I always used to do. “Now talk.”

“Not until you come up here.”

“No,” I say flatly.

“Come on, P—aisley.” He quickly adds the rest of my name. “If we’re going to talk, I need you to be open to hearing me.”

“I am. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“I don’t need you to listen. I need you to actually hear what I’m going to say. I can’t do that if you’re standing down there acting like you think you might get literal cooties if you come within a few feet of me.”

“Won’t I? I don’t know where you’ve been all these years. For all I know, you’re riddled with cooties. Or maybe even something worse than cooties.” I internally cringe at how childish I sound.

“I’m not telling you anything until you get up here. And trust me, you’re going to want to hear what I have to say.” He doesn’t seem the least bit riled by my insult, which only makes me want to try harder.

“Somehow, I doubt that,” I snip.

“If you doubted it so much, you wouldn’t even be standing here. Now stop being so stubborn and come up.” He pats the spot next to him.

I hesitate, not sure I should. Hell, I’m not sure I should be here at all, and yet, here I am. I talked myself in and out of this a hundred times on the way over, but I made it here just the same. Maybe that’s because, deep down, I know I need to hear what he has to say. And not because of what he said about Felix, but for myself. I need to find a way to put Nash Ketter behind me. I’m hoping this is the path to doing just that.

Closure... It once seemed so unattainable, but now, I don’t know. Maybe I really can find some semblance of peace in all of this. It might be wishful thinking, but I owe it to myself, and to Felix, to try.

“Fine,” I finally concede, climbing up onto the rock before taking a seat next to him, albeit not nearly as close as I once would have, pulling my legs up almost as a way of shielding myself. “Now talk.”

“You’re just as bossy as I remember.” He smiles at me, the sight is something I was so sure I’d never see again. I won’t lie; just being near him, I can already feel a slight crack in my carefully placed armor. The sooner we get this over with, the better.

“Don’t do that.”

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