Page 81 of Fragments of You

“Even if I do, he lives in Georgia.”

“For you.”

“What?”

“He lives here for you. If you two decide you want to give things another go, do you really think he wouldn’t move to California to be with you? You forget I know this man. I don’t think there’s anywhere on this planet he wouldn’t follow you.”

“You think?” I can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips.

I know it’s crazy, but leaving was probably the best thing I could have ever done. It gave me time to heal, to let go and live for myself. If not for that, I truly don’t think there could have been a way forward for me and Nash.

Honestly, four years ago, I couldn’t see a path forward, but through time and our letters, the path might as well be a yellow brick road that you can see from freaking space, it’s so clear.

“I know.” She smiles back at me. “You two have been through more than any two people should ever have to go through, and yet you still keep finding your way back to each other. Some people would call that fate.”

“Or really bad luck,” I counter jokingly.

“When you find your soul mate, you do everything you can to hold on to them. I never understood when people said they loved someone with their entire self until I met Jonas. I finally get why you held on to Nash the way you did. Because love like the two of you share, it’s rare and beautiful and—”

“Messy,” I interject.

“Yes, messy too. But that’s how you know it’s real. Because through the ups and downs and the highs and lows, you learn what you’re willing to live with and what you refuse to live without.”

“Jonas has made you soft,” I deadpan, breaking into a laugh when she flips her middle finger in my direction.

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s just that I finally understand.”

“You’re lucky, you know, to have met Jonas when you did. Old enough to know what you want but still young enough to build your lives together. I sometimes wonder if Nash and I had met later in life, if we could have skipped over all the bad parts.”

“Perhaps, but your love is built on history. You wouldn’t be who you are today without him, and he certainly wouldn’t be the man he is without you. You’ll see what I mean when you see him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still Nash.” She chuckles. “But there’s a maturity to him now, a focus I’ve never seen in him before. Since the day you left, he’s worked toward the goal of bettering himself so that one day, he could be a man worthy of your love.”

“He never had to change a thing. I loved him just the way he was.”

“But he didn’t love himself and we both know you need that in order to fully give yourself to another person.”

She doesn’t have to say it, but I know she’s talking about my time with Felix. Even when I was lying to myself, forcing myself to believe that I was happy, I wasn’t. I was just trying to mask how much pain I was in.

I can truly say I didn’t learn how to love myself until I learned how to stand on my own two feet. It took me a long time to realize that my happiness shouldn’t hinge solely on another person. I had to find what made me happy, and I have. My life now is everything I want it to be, but I won’t deny there is a large chunk missing before I feel complete. I don’t think I have to say what that large chunk is. After all this time, I would think that would be pretty self-explanatory.

“Speaking of people who don’t know how to love or respect themselves, have you spoken to Celine since you’ve been back?”

“Not yet. She wasn’t home when I arrived. Mom said she was at her dorm packing, but really, I think that’s code for avoiding me.”

I wish I could say things have gotten better with my sister, but that would require us to have actually had a real conversation since I left, which we have not. Other than forced pleasantries when she’d enter a room while I was on FaceTime with my parents, we’ve hardly spoken. My parents have visited California twice a year every year since I moved there, and not once did my sister join them.

“It was big of you to come home for her college graduation. After the way she behaved when you found out about her and Felix... I don’t think I could have done it.”

“She’s my sister.” I shrug softly so as not to wake baby Lana.

“Yeah, your sister who screwed your fiancé for two years before you got together and then lied to you about it.”

“Celine was a victim, even if she doesn’t see it that way. The fact that she and Felix didn’t get together after I left speaks volumes about how much he actually cared about her. She was nothing more than an easy lay, just like all the others. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about.”

“Me too,” she admits. “You know I see him around town from time to time. Always with a different girl.”

“That doesn’t surprise me in the least.”

“I really do think he loved you, though. If anyone could have gotten him to settle down, it was you.”

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