Page 80 of Fragments of You

No matter what it takes...

Chapter Eighteen

Paisley

FOUR YEARS LATER

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE a mom,” I tell Iris as I stare down at her precious baby girl, sound asleep in my arms.

“I know. I can hardly believe it either.” She beams, happier than I think I’ve ever seen her.

After I left Georgia, Iris was the only person I talked to consistently for the first year, other than my parents, of course. She met Jonas shortly after I had arrived in California and things between them escalated quickly. It made me so happy to listen to her over the phone, rambling on about how in love she was. I wasn’t the least bit surprised to learn she had eloped in Hawaii exactly one year to the date that they met.

“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to meet little Lana.”

“Don’t be. I know how busy you’ve been at the rescue and stuff. Besides, it’s not like I just live down the street from you now.”

She’s not wrong, I have been very busy at the animal rescue I work for. When I first arrived in California, I had no idea what I was going to do. But then, one evening, as I was walking home from the beach, I came across a stray lab. After taking it back to my apartment, I called around to some local shelters but couldn’t find anyone who could take the poor guy. Finally, I came across this non-profit rescue, and somehow that chance encounter with a stray dog led me to a job that quickly became my whole life. Going out on rescue missions, helping animals find their forever homes, it has brought me more joy than I ever thought possible.

“I know, but I should have made time when she was born.”

“Paisley, she’s only four months old,” she says like I need reminding of this fact. “How does it feel to be back, anyway? Have you seen—” She doesn’t get his name out before I quickly cut her off.

“No.” I shake my head, nervous butterflies flapping around wildly in my chest at the mere mention of Nash.

“I thought for sure he’d be your first stop. I mean, you guys have been writing love letters to each other for nearly three years.”

“They aren’t love letters,” I correct her.

“Sure, they aren’t. You forget you’ve read me some of them. If telling you how much he loves and misses you at the end of every letter isn’t a love letter, then I don’t know what is. And for the record, I think it’s very romantic.” She flutters her long, dark lashes at me.

Iris wasn’t nearly as surprised as I was the day I got that first letter. I had been living in California for nearly a year at that point, and while I missed home terribly, I also felt happier than I had in a very long time. For the first time ever, I was living for myself and no one else, and it was a sort of freedom I didn’t know I needed until I had it.

I remember calling her that day, in complete shock and full of emotion. I can still see the way she smiled at me over that FaceTime call, like she was proud of Nash. Apparently, he had been talking about it for a while but was hesitant because of the way we left things.

I could recite that first letter from memory, but the first part stands out to me the most.

You wrote me for two years after I left. You said it helped you mourn the loss of me. I guess this is my way of doing the same. Only I’m not mourning your leaving, so much as I’m counting down the days until your return.

I wasn’t going to write him back at first, but something came over me one night and I found myself at two in the morning, scribbling feverishly onto a piece of paper. It took me days to mail it, but I’m so glad I did. Because mailing that letter gave me Nash back. Not the man I loved but the boy who was my best friend in the entire world.

We reconnected in a way I don’t think would have been possible with other forms of communication. There’s something about a letter, where one can show their true self in its rawest form, and that’s what it’s been for us. Nash has told me everything, down to the most painful detail of his journey to sobriety. I’ve told him a lot about Felix and what led up to me falling for him. Things I could have never said to him over the phone and definitely not in person.

Felix may have betrayed me in a way that could not be forgiven, but you don’t just stop loving someone because they hurt you. If that were the case, I wouldn’t still be holding on to Nash so many years later.

I won’t deny I had a hard time after Felix, though I wasn’t just mourning the loss of him but of my sister as well. Little by little, I found my way again, though. And as much as I loved him in the moment, those feelings haven’t lingered. Not like they have with Nash. I think that’s how I really knew it wasn’t the forever kind of love.

“He doesn’t actually know I’m here yet,” I finally admit. “I made my parents swear not to tell him when I purchased a ticket for an earlier flight. I wanted some time to visit with my parents and you, and I was dying to see this little one.” I smile, looking down at what might be the most beautiful baby in existence. Then again, Iris is her mom, so of course she’s gorgeous.

“I thought you were excited to see him again.”

“I am. But I’m also really nervous.”

“I get that. It’s been a long time.”

“It really has. And so much has happened. What if I see him and I don’t feel the way I think I will?”

“This is Nash we’re talking about. You’re going to take one look at that man and melt. We both know it.”

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