Page 105 of An Endless Memory

I glowered out the window.

“I’d ask if everything’s okay,” Jasper drawled, “but you look like you’d tell me to fuck off.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure, boss.”

I winced at his nickname. I should be used to being called boss, but right now, the word only made me think of my little boss lady before I left on Christmas Day and how she’d asked when she’d see me again. As always, I never gave her a definite answer.

She thought I was her family. The stupid ring on my finger said I should be, but I wasn’t. I shouldn’t have married Lily. I should’ve known I would be in a position to make a woman feel like she didn’t mean enough and to make a kid wonder why she wasn’t good enough. Would Kellan remember me at all?

I continued to stare out the window. Chambers claimed I was hiding, but I wasn’t. I knew exactly how I felt and I’d face it. Alone.

Lily

I pushed my fingertips to my forehead. Tears streamed down my face, my shame mixed with their saltiness. I should’ve known better.

I care about you.

After Thanksgiving, I hadn’t been ready to admit that I was in love with Eliot. We’d said the words to each other once, over the phone, and we’d never said them again. We’d never mentioned saying them. But his reaction two weeks ago on Christmas morning had shown me exactly where my emotions were. I wouldn’t have been so devastated otherwise.

Mom softly knocked on my bedroom door. She’d been staying with me since Christmas. Fuck Carter and the way he nagged on me about my family. I needed them. I needed my mom.

“Have you called him yet?”

I shook my head.

“Okay. I’ll make sure to keep Cali and Kellan entertained.”

“Thank you, Mom.”

I was closed in my room once again. Last week, I’d eventually returned Eliot’s message with my own, wishing him a happy New Year. We’d only talked on the phone twice, and there hadn’t been endearments. Definitely no more phone sex.

It was time to rip the bandage off.

My heart twisted, but I dialed his number.

He answered with one ring. “Lily pad.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why’d he have to do that now? “Hey, Eliot. Do you have time to talk?”

“Of course. What’s going on?”

The words almost choked me. “I have divorce papers drafted.”

I was met with silence. Would he talk me out of it? Tell me no, that he’d changed his mind? Would he tell me that he really was in love with me and he’d figure something out?

“I see. I mean, it’s after the first of the year and July will be here before we know it.”

My heart sank. He didn’t understand what I meant. Spelling it out would be painful, but then Christmas had hurt more than I could’ve imagined. “No, Eliot. These are for sooner. The lawyer can send them certified mail since I told him we wouldn’t be contesting it?—”

“What do you mean sooner?”

“You don’t want this,” I said sadly.

“I want to help you.”

“And I want more.” Tears continued to gather. “I can’t deny it anymore. I fell for you, Eliot. I fell for you really hard. But each time you make an appearance, it’s out of obligation. Not once have you spent time with us because you wanted to.”

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