Page 106 of An Endless Memory

“What was Thanksgiving about?”

Wasn’t that what I had been asking myself for two weeks? They’d been blissful days, but he hadn’t asked for them. He’d done everything he could to make me feel welcome, and I’d seen the strain on him, running back and forth between me and his chores. “Be honest, Eliot. How badly did my sudden appearance stress you out?”

“It wasn’t like that.” He made a frustrated noise. “What about the house?”

That was where my parents came in. My dad wasn’t a lawyer, but he’d been steeped in legalities for years in the oil industry. Contracts weren’t new to him, nor were workarounds or loopholes.

“My parents and I talked with Aunt Linda. Technically, I have six years before I need to get married.” Again. For the third time. “It’s the middle of winter, and she and my uncle would like someone to keep an eye on the place through the winter. It’s old and frozen pipes and all that.” If the pipes hadn’t frozen over the last several decades, they weren’t going to. “Technically, I can’t rent, but Dad got it set up that he’s going to rent. Nothing in the trust forbids him from renting Grandma’s properties.”

If I had gone to Dad first, I could’ve avoided all this. Eliot would’ve been saved from the mess that was me. But then Linda might not have gone for it. She thought I was just another scorned woman, leaving a man who didn’t treasure her like he should.

“As it is, she only agreed to six months. She doesn’t want Dad trying to rent every open living space Grandma had owned. It gives me plenty of time to find a suitable place to rent in Crocus Valley.”

“Jesus, Lily?—”

“I haven’t talked to anyone yet about this,” I continued, my voice getting stronger. Hearing him distraught would not help me. I had to remember each and every time he mentioned divorce. I could cry—again—when I got off the phone. “I can send your clothing back with Mom, and Jasper can meet her to grab it.”

“What the hell, Lily?”

He sounded hurt and frustrated. My heart was cracking deeper. No matter how he felt about me, all this was my fault. “Remember how you said that initially?” I laughed, a hollow sound. “You rose to a challenge that was never yours to face.”

“I thought we had an agreement. This summer, so you could get the house.”

“Yes. You were clear about the agreement.” I let out a long, heavy breath. “I want more, Eliot. I’ve already had a guy tell me all the ways I don’t fit into his life. You might not have asked me to flip my world to make yours easier, but you’ve made it clear I don’t fit in your life. I don’t want that. I want a guy who makes room for me. I want a true partner, not someone who finds ways to be absent. I want to get married to a man who really wants to spend his life with me for once. I hope I deserve at least that.” I was breathing hard by the end of my confession. My voice had been rising, and I couldn’t draw Cali to the bedroom. “I think you need to really think about what you want too. Because I don’t think it’s sitting out on that ranch alone. You’ve convinced yourself there’s no other way, but you’re wrong. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about your family, it’s that they’re there for you. They’re just waiting for you to ask.”

I was met with silence again. A hot tear rolled down my cheek.

He cleared his throat. “You’ll make sure Cali knows this has nothing to do with her?”

“Of course.” Another tear. He wasn’t going to fight me on this. Our divorce might be even easier than the one from Carter. My heart was going to crack right in half.

“I really cared about you, Lily.”

“That’s the difference between us. I fell in love with you, Eliot. You made it easy to fall in love with you, but you made it hurt to stay in love with you.” I licked my lips and tasted tears. They were rolling free now. “Goodbye, Eliot.”

I hung up before I caved in to what I really wanted to do and begged him to love me.

The complete silence finished wrecking my heart. It was done. Once he signed those papers, I would be single again, and I might just stay that way. One thing the relationship with Eliot did for me was get me comfortable with living alone.

Twenty-Four

Lily

After a week, I hoped I’d be all cried out. My eyes were bloodshot this morning. I put some toast on a plate and set it on the table.

“We need to eat,” I called down the hall. “We’ve gotta go soon.”

I had woken up early and cleared the driveway. I had clipped the monitor to my jacket, and Bug frolicked in the snow while I worked. Now I was showered and running late. I worked the later shift, but there was no more running to daycare after I was done. Doc Julio had started scheduling my shift a half hour early, so I would be done a half hour before daycare closed. Same for the early mornings.

I was humbled I worked for such a supportive clinic. When I had approached Doc Julio with the request, I had been prepared to apologize profusely for even asking. He’d changed my schedule with no issues. Carter wouldn’t have even done that for me when I was his wife and the kids were his.

Now, it was just me.

Cali ran into the kitchen, her backpack on her back.

Kellan called out to her from his high chair. He was babbling, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some version of her name was his first word.

Cali slid into her seat and devoured the toast. “I wish I could have Eliot’s pancakes,” she said with her mouth full.

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