Page 92 of Null & Void

“Don’t use me to hurt you. If that is your aim, we can stop right here,” he says, grabbing my face to force me to look at him. I lock eyes with him long enough that it should be unpleasant, but it’s the opposite. My rage calms a little.

He moves out and back in gently, keeping eye contact with me, until finally, he fills me. I breathe heavily, savoring the fullness of him inside me. Then he moves more rhythmically, harder. I kiss him, trying not to make a sound, but I still make a throaty whine of pleasure, albeit muffled against his mouth.

I’m bouncing against the wall, our muffled breathy moans rivaling each other. He pulls the strap of my dress down to expose my breast, and I arch up to meet his mouth. I cover my mouth with my hand as he licks my nipple and then teases it between his teeth.

“Riley,” I whimper into my hand.

He pulls my face back to his mouth, and I kiss him hard and forcefully. I’m reaching a pinnacle. Overwhelmed by the taste of him, the scrape and slide of our lips, and his tongue against mine, the pressure inside me continues to build.

He adjusts me in his grip and now I’m more exposed and open for him. With one hand on his shoulder for grip, I slide the other between us, desperate. Our eyes lock again as I circle my fingers around his cock as it pumps into me, squeezing the base before sliding back up to play with myself too. His tempo increases and I’m panting as my back begins to arch involuntarily.

My climax is intense. My knees grip tightly around him. Sounds become muffled and distant as heat explodes from my core and takes me over entirely. My hand has dipped under his shirt to hold onto his side, the other digging nails into the back of his shoulder.

Riley’s hand has come up to cover my mouth. “Shh, shh,” he laughs between pants of his own.

Following closely behind with his own release, Riley empties himself into me as I continue to clench in pleasure around him, his moans muffled between my breasts.

As my ecstasy slowly fades, Riley moves his hand from my mouth and back to my ass to hold me up, my legs no longer clamped around him with such a vice-like grip. I move his hair out of the way and hold his face, my thumbs stroking along his sharp jawline. The need to see his eyes is coursing hot through my veins. His eyes—eyes I don’t understand how I ever thought were regular and normal green.

Yes, Riley’s eyes are the green of the forest as a Nemorisborn, but they aren’t just green. They’re a dark evergreen of dense forest, dancing with an outer ring of colors from the waters of a silent beach. Speckled with warm light through young leaves, and golden hour warming their center. His eyes are breathtakingly beautiful, and I cannot believe I have never truly seen them until now.

“What are you looking for?” he asks with curiosity.

I look at him a little longer, wanting to bask in this moment with him before I allow reality to set in. It’s already circling like carrion birds waiting to descend.

With fully dilated pupils, Riley leans in to kiss my neck and whisper. “You have no idea how long I have waited for you.”

Like a bubble popped, the rage is back and screaming in my ears, if it ever stopped in the first place. I can’t do this with him. What is wrong with me? Held prisoner for the second time in as many moons and allowing lust to take over like some horny teenager. Disgusting. I am playing with fire, and I should know better, be better. This was silly at best and dangerous at worst.

Hate. I need to hate him. I’ll make him hate me instead. Make him hate me so much that he will never risk touching me again. It shouldn’t be too difficult.

“I’m just looking for you, Riley. Trying to find something real.”He leans back to look at me, confusion creasing his brow as I continue. “This isn’t real. We aren’t real,” I say sardonically, almost taunting. My skin prickles, and my heart rate increases wildly as I struggle to breathe evenly.

“What do you mean, ‘we aren’t real’?” he questions, trying to move closer to me against the wall, even though he’s still inside me.

“Us. You and me. This isn’t real. It’s just sex,” I say, out of breath, getting agitated and lightheaded.

“You don’t get to decide what’s real for me. This was never just anything, Firecat.”

I’m trying to push him away so I can get down, but I’m struggling against him. The rage I've barely kept inside is becoming louder than I can bear. I’m biting the inside of my cheek and tasting blood as I continue to struggle in his grip.

Trying to get me to look at him, he pleads. “Stop. What just happened?”

“Let go of me!” I hiss, staring him straight in the eye.

He lets out an angry breath, holding my gaze for another moment before gently easing me off him and releasing me to my feet. I try to move around him as I straighten my dress. The giant mountain that he is, captures me as I try to go around. He lets go immediately but still won’t let me pass as he tucks himself back into his pants.

“This is more than scratching an itch, and you know it.”

“You said not to fall in love with you!”

His eyebrows go up. “And you said your heart didn’t exist.”

“It doesn’t!” I hiss again as I can’t seem to whisper. “This is all just a game. You can’t care for me!”

Riley finally loses his temper at my antagonizing. “Stop twisting my words, that was about Tovi! And this has never been a game to me, even though it clearly is to you.” His words are like a hot knife into the haggard pieces of what’s left of my soul. It’s the reminder I need: I am a monster. So, I will fucking act like one.

“And the other women?” It’s a low blow and I know it, but I’m losing the will to push him away, to fight. I need him to hate me.

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