Page 77 of Null & Void

“Nothing. I didn’t get much from you at all, really, which fueled my suspicions. It was like you knew how to cover everything with a blanket of noise.”

I’m trying to formulate a response. A question. Anything.

She answers me, though I didn’t articulate a question. “It was like a fog, but also a storm. Sometimes it was really clear: happiness, humor, compassion. But I’d get these flashes of…rage, fury, fear, and loathing. Just a flash. And then I wouldn’t be able to feel it again, like feeling it once was the only taste of it left. I’ve never experienced anything else like it.”

I let out the breath I’d been holding. “I don’t know what any of that means.”

“Neither do I. Though I wish I knew then that it didn’t mean you were trying to hide nefarious intentions.”

“Me too.”

Interrupting us, a guard brings us some kind of gritty gruel with chunks of…something mixed in. It’s not until we’re eating that I realize Tovi and I aren’t alone down here. Only a handful of the cells are empty. Not a single one of them stirred while Tovi and I were screaming at each other.

After our meal, we settle down to sleep, but it eludes me. The sounds and smells are a barrage on my senses and my rage won’t leave. I’m exhausted, yet it’s like I’m still adding fuel to the fire that’s keeping me awake. I replay the conversation with Tovi about her brother, and the weight of it is crushing. Though I didn’t kill him, being blamed for his death still makes me complicit. The legend I created for myself was used as a coverup.

My last moments with Riley also plague me. His refusal to promise not to kiss me again. I didn’t want him to agree, yet I was still furious when he didn’t. Fucked up doesn’t even begin to describe me.

I fall asleep indulging in the fantasy of Riley holding me, imagining his smell and the warmth of his skin. Jaena’s voice tells me I’m pathetic, whispering alongside my rage.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Ican see why Tovi isn’t sure how long she’s been here. The lanterns, hanging from the ceiling outside the cells and not illuminating much, never seem to run out of oil. With the guards upstairs, we don’t get to see a scheduled guard change to mark the time either. It’s only when Liesolette comes ambling down the stairs that I assume at least the evening has passed.

She comes straight to me with a small paper bag in her hands.

“I’m only helping because he said it was truly life and death, and you are here on behalf of the Queen Ofnemoris. But this is it. I won’t pass anything else between you,” she says in her strong, but hushed voice.

I gratefully take the package. “Why are you helping at all, Liesolette?” I ask as I hand over her kerchief with a smile of thanks.

“You can call me Lottie. Regardless of who owns me, I know Nemoris blood runs through my veins. Maybe Queen Neoniri will offer me a boon for this, or maybe you will use this as leverage,” she finishes, eyeing me carefully.

“Who was it? Who gave you this?”

She shrugs. “Nemorisborn man. Intense. A little broken looking and desperate.”

Leaving me with my small package and Tovi pressing her face against the bars of the cell between us. I consider who she meant, as I watch Lottie go up the stairs.

“What’s in the package?” Tovi hisses at me.

I glare at her impatience and open the bag to see two fresh apricots. I tip them out into my hand, looking in the bag for anything else, spotting writing inside. Ripping the bag open, I see the words, “Sit tight. We have a plan.” They are written inside a crude drawing of flames with cat ears and whiskers. Firecat. I smile as I crumple the bag tightly and drop it into the sewerage line.

Tovi hops from one foot to the other, picking her lip as she tries to see what’s in my hands. They don’t know she’s here. The thought of leaving Tovi behind to rot or be executed by the King Oferdu hurts more than her betrayal ever did. There must be something so pathetically wrong with me if I will cling to the hope of her friendship even after she betrayed me. Leaving without her is not an option.

“Here,” I whisper, gesturing to Tovi that I’m going to throw her something.

She catches the apricot with ease, her breath hitching as soon as it lands in her hands. I start eating mine straight away. The smell and taste is pure bliss. I hope the bitch appreciates the apricot. Giving away my favorite fruit while locked in a dungeon is madness.

Tovi hasn’t eaten her apricot yet. Turning it over and over in her hands, inspecting every inch of it. “If you don’t want it, then give it back,” I say, sucking my pip clean and throwing it into the drain.

“I want it,” she snaps. She closes her eyes with a frown. Taking a deep breath and opening her eyes again, she peers at me. “Why don’t you hate me? And why do you think you are pathetic?”

Fucking object empathy.

“Just eat the stupid apricot, Tovi.”

Another bowl of gruel marks the end of our day, just as revolting as yesterday’s. I hope “sit tight” means their plan will come to fruition soon, because dungeon food is a form of torture all on its own. I sleep in short bursts, constantly waking myself up with the ghosts of my memories.

Nothing happens all day. No visit from Lottie, no rescue from the team, no conversations with Tovi. Another bowl of gruel. If I have a few weeks of this, I’ll be as unstable as Tovi. More, considering how unhinged I already am. A small giggle pops out of my throat, and Tovi’s head snaps in my direction. I have to bite my lip to stop from giggling more, and Tovi looking at me like I’m insane is only making my delirium worse.

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