Page 55 of Null & Void

“You need your own fucking bath Riley, you stink!” I spit at him as he closes the door with a slam. My rage takes a nosedive straight into my stomach as soon as the door closes. A sting behind my eyes has me gasping for breath.

I wish I could wash my hair, but unless I admit I need help, it would be impossible. It takes a long time to bathe because I have to keep taking breaks. I pull a wooden chair around and end up doing most of it sitting. The water is tepid by the time I’m done, and I’m exhausted.

Naked, I look down at my body. I have lost weight, and my muscles are no longer as clearly defined. My entire right leg from knee to ankle is bandaged, and it hurts to walk. I have cuts and bruises everywhere, but they’re nothing compared to my ribs. I can’t see all the way around, but I have dark, mottled bruising on both sides, but predominantly on the side I remember being in the most pain. There’s no mirror available, so fuck only knows how battered my face and neck look.

Lifting my pack has me whimpering and Riley calls out to ask if I’m okay, and I bite back that I’m fine. Something in me has snapped. If I hadn’t let this group get under my skin, then perhaps I would have had my wits about me when Arpi came. I can’t let them—Riley—be such a distraction. It’s too dangerous.

All of my clothes have been cleaned, and I slide a cropped chemise up and over my hips instead of lifting my arms above my head. With fresh underwear on, I forget about my ribs temporarily and attempt to lift a tunic over my head. Losing my balance, the world tips as the edges of my vision darken.

I must make a pained sound as I hit the side of the bed because Riley bursts in. He’s by my side, holding my elbow as I gain my balance and swallow my dizziness. His nearness, though, is just as disorienting: the heat radiating off his skin, the intense stare on his angry-looking face.

“Why are you so fucking angry, Riley?” I growl out as I manage to wrench myself out of his grasp without falling over.

I try to put the tunic on again, but he grabs it, stopping me. He shakes his head and looks at me like I’m crazy. “Angry? I’m not angry!” Gesturing at my battered body from head to toe in disbelief, “You almost got yourself killed,” his strangled voice bites out.

“Fuck off,” I laugh derisively. “Tovi almost got me killed. I did what I had to do, to survive.”

“It was reckless,” he says, in a tiny voice barely above a whisper, “You should’ve waited with Beans.”

Rage. The firecat in my chest is spitting flames, and I hope Riley can see them reflected in my eyes.

“Reckless? Oh, so, I should have just waited patiently to be saved by you instead? I think I need you to leave me alone before I do something even more reckless.”

I yank the tunic from his grip and swallow a hiss of pain. Closing my eyes, I wait for the dizziness to dissipate. Riley gently takes my tunic from my hands again and helps me dress as I keep my eyes squeezed shut. I can’t be sure if I’m hiding from the pain or my shame at how I’m treating Riley.

“I’m not leaving you alone, no matter how much you hate me,” Riley says, gently.

“Maybe I wouldn’t hate you if you weren’t such an asshole.”

I crawl into bed, spreading out so a giant Nemorisborn man with stupid forest green eyes won’t fit, fixing a glare on him. Shame? What shame? I am unhinged. Nothing but venom and fangs.

“Retired or not, I’m an assassin, Riley. You don’t get to put me in a bubble of your protection like I’m some feeble maiden of yours. I don’t need you,” I say, trying and failing to curb my hostility.

Riley doesn’t reply. He stalks off and strips off in front of the wash basin to use the last of the fresh water. I’m trying not to look. I’m back to hating this man, but by the Divine, he’s beautiful.

His dark hair is tied up in a messy, blood-red bun. The freckles on his shoulders are sparkling with the soap and water he’s scrubbing on them. He has his back to me so I can’t see his chest, but I remember it well enough. His back muscles are rippling with his movements. I hate that I want to slide my nails down them.

He takes off his pants in jerky, angry movements. When he is down to only his undershorts, I quickly avert my eyes. I’m sure he would have preferred to be totally naked instead of having to wash in his undershorts, but fuck him.

Riley uses the powder to clean his teeth, and now the water is well and truly fouled by the two of us. Dressing quickly, he sets the basin bowl and empty jugs outside of the room to be cleared away.

I’m reclined in bed, still recovering from the exertion of bathing, when Riley plonks onto the sofa seat he was in last night. We sit in the pregnant silence, both of us looking at the ceiling instead of each other.

I remember the thoughts I had of him while I was tied to a tree, cold. How they kept me warm and how I would have done anything to touch him again. It softens me slightly and words rush out, uninvited, “Did one of you hurt Sweet Girl?”

“The pony? I was hoping you wouldn’t ask.” Riley sighs, and my heartbeat quickens. “No. The Erdu mercs didn’t do that to her either. She did it to herself.”

“She did not! I saw that gash, it…I could almost see organs, Riley.”

Riley looks stiff in the chair, his elbows resting on either side of the arms while resting his mouth on his hands. He studies me, before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“She had been contained in a poorly made makeshift stable. I don’t know whether it was the chaos or what. Bitty thinks she heard you.” He pauses, watching me flinch, before continuing, “She forced her way out. Broke through the fence. We found a jagged piece of metal covered with blood and fur, in the opening.”

No. Absolutely not. Someone did that to her.

Riley must sense the panic threatening to overwhelm me again because he gets up and sits at the end of my bed. He holds my foot, of all things.

“Some of the horses that followed her had similar gashes, though not life-threatening. Most of the others didn’t even try to force their way out.”

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