Page 45 of A Smooth Operator

I narrowed my eyes and scoffed. "And what did we share? I was your dirty secret. You didn't stay the night until this Sunday and then went AWOL on Monday night. You didn't even have the decency to let me know you wouldn't be coming, and you knew I'd be waitin' 'cause you've spent every Monday for four months with me. But I'm sure you thought, I don't owe her shit, she's just a fuck buddy. Am I right?"

He had the decency to look guilty. "You're right, Doll."

It had made me so happy when he started calling me Doll and Baby Doll. Now it grated on my nerves. I nodded, my heart breaking some more. It was one thing to think it, but another for him to confirm how little I meant to him, especially when I loved him with all my heart and let him in when I hadn't let anyone ever in.

"Why are you here?" I wiped my cheeks. I was done crying for this motherfucking asshole. Done!

He swallowed. "To apologize."

"Okay. You've done that. Now get lost."

"Echo, please forgive me. I was being stupid and—"

"I forgive you. It's myself I don't forgive, Remi. I knew who Lani was. I just expected you to be better, which was wishful thinkin'. You're not better. You're worse than her. At least her meanness and cruelty are in my face." I crossed my arms, holding myself together. "Did you think you were doing this fat bitch a favor by fucking me?"

He closed his eyes as if in pain. "You're not fat, Echo. You're beautiful—"

"Don't," I snapped. "I heard you. Fat bitch. Leech. Hanger-on. Charity case. What? You thought no one's fucking poor Miss Poopy Pants, I should do her as a favor? Well, thank you, Remi, 'cause the sex was excellent, and I always came. You did your job. Now, go."

He looked defeated. He put his hands on the dining table. "I felt safe with you, Echo. I felt like I could be myself. I didn't have to wear a mask or be a Drake or a nightclub owner. I could just be me. You don't know what a gift that was that you gave me. I didn't mean any of that shit I said."

I chuckled as Bonnie Raitt began to sing Good Man, Good Woman, the quintessential duet with Delbert McClinton about a couple splitting up because the relationship isn't bringing out their best. It was very à propos.

"But how about all the shit that you did mean? Keeping me a secret or leaving in the middle of the night making me feel like a piece of ass. Making sure you told me time and again that this was just fucking, and I shouldn't get any ideas."

He dropped his face in his hands, and I saw there were tears in his eyes. I refused to feel bad for him. I may love him, but I was done being his doormat.

"I can only apologize. I can't go back and change the past. Trust me, if I could, I would."

I'd never seen Remi look this tired, this beaten. The part of me that loved him wanted to hold his hand and be his friend, but that part had shrunk like a raisin in the sun.

"Trust me, Remi, if I could go back and change having sex with you that first time, I would," I threw back at him sarcastically. "Now, leave my house and don't ever come back. You see me on the street, cross the road."

"Echo," he pleaded, "no, Baby Doll, don't end us like this."

I cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. "You think I am ending us? You son of a bitch, I came to the club today to tell you my paper was accepted. I wanted to celebrate with someone who I thought was my friend, even if he didn't want to acknowledge me as his lover. But what do I find? You're not my anything. So, what the hell am I ending?"

He got up and came to me. He didn't touch me but looked at me with moist eyes.

"You are my friend, Echo. My only friend."

"And look how you treated me."

He nodded. "I fucked up. Bad. But I can make this right. If you let me, I can—"

"How will you make it right, Remi?" I took a step toward him, challenging him. "How will you make me un-hear the ugly things you said about me?"

He put his hands on my shoulders. "I don't know how, but I will."

I smirked. "When you find out, send me a telegram. Until then, you know where the fuck the door is. Don't make me ask you to leave again because my next act is to call 911."

He sniffled and then leaned down and brushed his lips against my forehead. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. You of all people didn't deserve that."

I watched him leave, not sure if I was happy about it or devastated.

Chapter 18

Remi

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