Page 102 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

“I think it does.”

Lost in his head, he doesn’t respond.

“Dean.”

He lifts his foot slightly above the water line before kicking it down, sending a splash of drops across the surface. “I fucked things up with her, okay?”

“What happened?”

Again, he doesn’t reply.

“What does the scribbled out part say?” I press.

His chest heaves with a deep, audible breath. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now tell me.”

“No.” He chuckles. “That’s what it says.”

“Oh. Why did you scratch it out?”

“Because it would have been selfish to tell her that way.”

“She didn’t know that’s how you felt?”

“No.”

“This letter could have changed that.”

“Well, it’s too late. She’s with someone else now.” My heart sinks at his words, imagining what it would be like for him to open up social media and see her with another guy when he’s four thousand miles away. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than when I saw Cooper kiss Kylie from four feet away.

“I’m sorry, Dean. That sucks.”

“Thanks.”

“But . . .” My brows pinch together as I try to piece my thoughts together. “Why did you break up with her?”

He sighs, leaning back on his palms against his board. “I didn’t want her to miss out on her life while she was waiting for me to get mine together.”

“You don’t think she could have had a good life and been there for you at the same time?”

“No. I messed up a few things. I’m not sure if we could come back from it, but I’m sure it’s too late now anyway.”

The worry that it’s too late for Cooper and me flashes through my mind again. “But if you’re soulmates, won’t you always find your way back to each other?”

“Maybe, but I wasn’t the person she deserved.” He’s open with his vulnerability in a way he’s never been before–at least not with me. “I didn’t know what the hell I was doing with my life. She was the only thing that kept me grounded and made me feel like I was doing something right. But that’s too much to ask from someone. I don’t know if I deserve another chance.”

“You’re a better guy than you believe, Dean.” He gives me a half-hearted smile. “I think I messed up too.”

He stays quiet, still leaning back on his palms and waiting for an explanation.

I tug on a strand of hair, my eyes trained on my board. “I think maybe Cooper is my soulmate.” I glance up to gauge his reaction.

“I could see that.” He smirks, but then it fades. “What happened?”

“I thought . . .” I’m embarrassed to admit the logic I thought was so sound at first. I take a breath. “This whole idea that you need to experience life before you settle down. I thought there was no way my first boyfriend could be the one. Deep down, I don’t think I believe that, but I’m not sure my actions aligned.”

“Maci has been my only girlfriend.”

---