Page 86 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

Her trust is all the permission I need to bring us both to the edge. My hand runs down her thigh, encouraging her leg to wrap around my hip. I feel the moment when her discomfort turns to pleasure. She relaxes completely and paired with the new angle, I sink deeper inside her. Her moan aligns with my thoughts about how perfectly we fit together. Like she was made for me. Like I could have waited for her and not have regretted it.

Despite the condom, I feel closer to her than I ever have to anyone else. With every pump, I revel in every place our skin touches, in how we connect inside of her. I’m already close, feeling unable to control it. The way I have no control over how much I love this girl. Wanting her to come with me, I reach between us, rubbing her clit. The sound that gets stuck in her throat gets swallowed by my next kiss, and along with one more thrust, sends me over the edge. I continue rubbing circles against her as I pump in and out until she shatters beneath me, her eyelids fluttering closed and her grip on my neck tensing. I continue my movement, rocking into her until I’m certain we’ve both fully come down before gently collapsing on her and matching her stillness.

“How do you feel?” I whisper, searching her eyes as I comb my fingers through the hair by her face.

“Like . . . I’m both closer to you and still not close enough. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“Like it’s everything you ever wanted, but somehow you want more?”

She nods. “So, it was as good as–”

“No. Don’t you dare finish that thought.” I press my forehead against hers. “Nothing–no one–compares to you, Soph. Never has, never will.” She gives me a shy smile I’ll never be able to forget. “Trust me, some of my firsts were still left for you too.”

Chapter fifty-two

SOPHIE

NOW

Cooper, 21; Sophie, 19

My finger hesitates over the call button. I haven’t seen or talked to Cooper since the party at Marcus’ house a month ago, but I don’t have anyone else to call. All my new friends–really Chastity’s friends–aren’t good for much besides knowing where the best parties are, and I don’t want Marcus to feel like he has to babysit me. I love living at his house and having new freedom I didn’t have at home. I tap my finger to the screen and hold it to my ear.

It rings three times.

“Hello?” Cooper’s voice on the other end automatically soothes me. My voice cracks on a quiet sob. “Sophie? Are you okay?” I can’t tell if I’m imagining the concern in his voice.

I shake my head then realize he can’t see me. “Can you come get me? I don’t have my car.”

The silence on the other end is deafening.

“Send me the address.”

“Okay. Thanks, Coop.”

I hear a sigh on the other end before he hangs up.

A few minutes later, a car drives past where I’m sitting on the curb, and my stomach flips. False alarm. It’s not Cooper. I bat at the silent tears streaming down my cheeks, swiping my tongue over the salt on my lips. It’s only another moment before a second engine purrs in the darkness then stops, idling on the street in front of me. My heart flutters as fear rushes through me. I don’t know why I called him. I have no idea how mad he will be. I should have ordered an Uber instead of running to Cooper when he’s not mine to run to anymore.

I stand as the unlock button clicks. Cautiously sliding into the passenger seat, I watch him watch me in the glow of the overhead light, the annoyance on his face softening slightly when he sees my drying tears. He doesn’t say anything as I close the door and buckle my seatbelt or as he pulls back onto the street. It’s still unclear if he’s going to let any feelings for me override the distance between us, but it’s me. He’s always there for me. This is proof of that. I haven’t seen him in a month and he’s still here.

“Where did I pick you up from?” He doesn’t look at me when he asks.

I tug on my fallen curls, eyes locked on my fingers.

“Another random guy?” I can’t tell if it’s jealousy or judgment in his voice, but it’s probably the latter considering he doesn’t want me anymore.

“Don’t judge me, Cooper,” I snap, then add in a whisper, “That’s not fair.”

“You make it hard not to when you fuck other people. Practically in front of me.”

“I swear I didn’t sleep with that guy at Marcus’ party. I haven’t slept with anyone since you. I promise. I was just trying to make you jealous.” Every time I’ve pushed him away, I’ve been afraid it’ll actually work. It finally did.

“Well,” he says more softly, although his gaze is still hard on the road. “At least it wasn’t JT.” Why does he hate JT so much? I stay silent. It causes Cooper to glance at me before his eyes focus back on the street. The second must have been long enough to recognize the shame on my face, telling him that is exactly where I was. “Of fucking course. What did he do?” he growls, looking over his shoulder like he’s about to make a U-turn in the middle of the street and go right back to JT’s.

Touching his forearm redirects his attention. “No. Can you please just take me home?”

He scoffs. “Are you going to give me another piss poor excuse for why you’re hanging around him again?” he asks like that is the real problem. In the past month, I’ve been clinging to anything familiar. Somehow JT fits in that category. I don’t even hang out with him often, and it’s not like we hook up or anything. When my plan to make Cooper jealous backfired, I kind of fell into a black hole. I wouldn’t say I’m flirting my way through my sadness . . . but if I wasn’t lying to myself I’d admit I’m looking for attention anywhere I can in an attempt to feel anything close to what Cooper makes me feel.

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