Page 87 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

“What am I supposed to do? You know I don’t have that many friends. And now that we aren’t friends, I only have so many options. I’m not just going to be alone.”

“We are friends.” He looks like he’s fighting the urge to add stupid at the end.

“We are?” I ask. “Because you haven’t talked to me in a month.”

He shoots me a pointed stare. “And regardless, the best ‘friend’ you think you could find is that asshole?”

“He’s not as bad as you think, Cooper,” I defend.

“Clearly. That’s why you called me at 11 p.m. on a Monday night.” Irritation rolls off him. “I’ll be the judge.”

“Umm.” We hadn’t hooked up since last year, but I felt like maybe I should give in a little or he wouldn’t want to keep hanging out. “I was trying to be fun and easygoing and you know, do things . . .” I trail off.

He slams on his brakes aggressively, my chest jolting into the seatbelt. His car skids to a stop before he throws it into park in the middle of the back road to my house. Keeping his eyes forward, he clenches his fingers around the steering wheel. “Jesus Christ, Sophie,” he mutters more to himself before facing me. His tone is much louder and more angry when he says, “Tell me you did not call me to talk about fucking someone else. We will never be that kind of friends.”

“Well, you don’t want to be together . . . I thought maybe . . .” If anything, he should be happy that I’d clearly rather be around him than do anything with someone else, right?

“If you think I want to hear about you fucking someone else, think again.”

“I’m not talking about sex,” I whisper. “He wanted a blow job. I said no, so he called me a tease.” He tries to interject, but I cut him off by continuing. “He was so mean about it, Coop. But he’s never been like that before.”

“This topic is off-limits for us,” he growls. “I don’t ever want to hear about anyone else’s dick in relation to what’s mine.” He realizes his misspoken words immediately. “What was mine. Never bring this up again. Do you understand?” He asks the question slowly like I’m a child who couldn’t possibly comprehend. The street light infiltrates the car enough to see the war raging inside his bright blue eyes as he speaks. He’s mad, but I also know he’s picturing my lips wrapped around him.

I hold my stare for a moment before I nod.

His anger is replaced with worry. “Is that all he did? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“He didn’t hurt me,” I confirm in a whisper with a subtle shake of my head. He acknowledges my response by shifting back into drive.

“He’s still a piece of shit. You know that, right?” When I leave yet another question unanswered, not taking the bait in this one-sided debate, he adds, “You know I never had to ask for you to blow me.” He smirks, and my eyes widen, mouth falling open. I can’t believe he brought us into this. And the way he said it–I hate him for his crude thoughts aligning with mine. I didn’t hesitate for a second with pleasing Cooper that way once sex was on the table for us. I loved the reaction I got from him so much I would have done it all the time if we hadn’t broken up. So, why was it so hard for me to do the same with JT? With anyone else for that matter.

“You would never ask if you knew I wouldn’t want to,” I mutter in JT’s defense like this is all a misunderstanding. “It’s not his fault he can’t read me like you can.”

“Oh, so this is my fault? You’re having problems with your new boyfriend because your ex is better than him?” He laughs.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” I scream, conversation deja vu hitting me like a pesky fly that won’t leave you alone.

“Do you realize how stupid you sound? Tell me, Sophie, what are you expecting to get out of this?” He pulls into my driveway, throwing the car into park but not pulling the key from the ignition.

“I don’t know,” I cry. “I won’t see JT ever again. He doesn’t mean anything to me.” I pull my phone from my cross-body bag and unlock it, desperate to stop this fight. I open my text thread with JT. There’s a new text from him saying he’s sorry he pushed me and to come back so he can make it up to me.

Cooper covers my phone with his hand. I try to ignore the warmth that shoots through me at his touch and focus on his serious gaze boring into me. “I’m not your convenience choice, Sophie,” he growls. “I’m not just the guy you can keep calling because I’d do anything for you.”

He’s anything but my convenience guy. I’m not trying to take advantage of him. I can’t help when I need him. “Cooper, no. You mean way more to me than that. You’re my person. And I’m yours.” The moment the words leave my lips, they click into place as a certain truth. Screw what’s been drilled into me, what I’ve been convinced about first relationships and their place in life. I know he’s it for me.

He removes his hand covering my phone and my fingers, slamming his fist into the steering wheel. “I don’t need you to be my person anymore, Sophie,” he grits out.

Choking on my tears, I cry, “That’s not true.”

“You’re delusional. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t force me into situations I don’t want to be in. I’m not here to swoop in like one of your book boyfriends saving the day. That’s not my job anymore.”

“Whose fault is that?” I snap. I know I’m it for him too, but he has to let me back in.

He glares, his grip tightening around the black leather. “I don’t fucking know at this point. But I do know you’re making it worse.”

“I’m just a problem for you, aren’t I?”

“Sophie, you’re my problem, my solution, you’re my entire fucking world. Don’t you know that by now?” I’m frozen in place when he continues. “But each time I think about choosing you, about giving us another chance, you remind me why I shouldn’t. I can’t figure out how I’m going to give us another chance without blame or resentment or staying stuck in this toxic cycle. I can’t handle it anymore. It’s taking over my life. I revolve around you like you’re the sun, Sophie, and I love the way you light up my life. But I need more than that to live. You’re blinding me.” He points toward the car door. “I’m choosing me. I’m done, Sophie. You need to understand that.” A rush of relief leaves him with those words like he finally completed the final task of a challenging mission. My heart and lungs conspire against me, ceasing to work at the same time.

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