Page 112 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

Sophie: Is everything okay?

Me: Just a shitty day. It’s not a big deal.

Sophie: What do you need?

Me: You.

Sophie: Where are you?

Me: On my way home.

Sophie: Okay, I’ll see you soon.

Closing the front door, I leave it unlocked. If Sophie left after her text, she should be here any minute. I make my way to my room, tossing myself backward on the navy comforter, not bothering to turn the lights on. Lying in silence, I hear the front door as Sophie twists it and lets herself in. “Cooper?” her sweet voice calls to me, full of worry.

I don’t reply. She’ll find me soon enough.

Her head pokes through my doorway, the natural light from the living room behind her helping me see. My eyes quickly shift over her dirty blonde curls to her . . . jeans? Why is she wearing jeans? I keep my question to myself as Sophie makes her way to me. The mattress sinks a little with her weight as she sits on the edge of the bed, and the second her hand lands on my shin, instant relief flushes through me. All the stress I have around work and school dissolve away. “What happened?”

I sigh, sitting. I worry my movement will make her pull away, but her hand never leaves my leg. “I failed.”

“What do you mean? Failed what?”

“My real estate test.”

“What? I thought you weren’t going to take that until you graduated?”

“I wasn’t. But I needed the distraction. I needed something to focus on. Something other than . . .”

She waits a moment to see if I’ll finish my sentence.

“Something other than what?” she asks cautiously.

“You.” I pause, feeling vulnerable and hating it. But what we’re doing isn’t working for my life. “And all the other guys who have touched you, looked at you, doing who knows what else.” Distress fills me as the thoughts invade my mind for the hundredth time. “I want us to be friends, Soph. But it’s too hard to be your friend when I know what it’s like to be more.”

“I’m sorry that I told you that stuff. I know that was crossing a line and really messed up. I should have kept it to myself.” I note she’s not saying she shouldn’t have been around them. Still, I say what I need to.

“I want us to be honest with each other, to be able to tell each other everything.” She tries to interject–probably to note that I just said there are things I don’t want to know. My eyes stay locked on where her thumb brushes against the skin on my leg, afraid to see her reaction as I continue, not letting her get a word in. “Sophie, I lied the last time I saw you. You are my person. You’ve been my person since I was old enough to realize my favorite person didn’t have to be my brother.” She laughs softly, and I force my gaze to hers. Her eyes are focused on me, listening to my words without giving away how she feels about them. “I can’t stand when we fight. It’s fucking hard when we’re apart. God, Soph, even when I hate you, I want to be near you. Even you in this room right now makes everything seem better. I miss you. I miss us.” I hold my breath, waiting for her to respond.

She pulls her hand from me, and my stomach drops.

I’m about to beg her not to go when I realize she’s taking off her shoes.

She crawls across the bed to me, sitting criss-cross, her thigh resting against my outstretched leg. “I’m so relieved to hear you say that. I miss you so much. But, you’re not a failure, Coop,” she whispers as she presses her hand to my chest. The way she dropped what she was doing, to be here for me now . . . Maybe things can be different. “You’ll do better next time.” All I can think about is if we can do better next time.

My original intention was for us to find our friendship again like Marcus encouraged before asking for more. But being here with her now–none of that shit from the past matters. All I want is for us to be together. “Sophie?”

“Yeah?”

My eyes flicker across her face as she stares back patiently. “I love you.”

Her chest stops rising with breath.

Her hand grips the fabric of my shirt.

Her eyes water, and a silent tear slips out. I catch it with my thumb, pressing my palm to her face. “What is it?”

“I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say it.”

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