Page 111 of Can We Just Be Happy Now?

“I hope so.”

“Sophie, promise me. Please. I’m sorry. I hate myself for hurting you. Please let me make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my li–”

I press my fingers against his lips to cut him off. He silences immediately, but I can tell it’s hard for him. “Cooper, stop. You’re scaring me. This is too much. I was trying to figure out how to let you go, and now you’re telling me you never want to leave.”

“I’m sorr–”

“Cooper.” He’s not hearing me. “I need time.”

“How much?”

“I don’t know. Maybe everyone is right. I mean, working on my bucket list has been fun. If that’s what this time of my life is for, maybe I should do it.”

“I want to help you, experience it with you. I’ve been doing that this entire time.”

“This is all too much for me. I think I need to focus solely on experiencing college right now, and not have a relationship in the mix.”

“That doesn’t even make sense Sophie. I can make your experience easier, better.”

“I’m sorry, but . . . I don’t trust you right now.”

He drops his hold on me like I physically assaulted him with my words. He’s always been the person I trusted more than anyone, and I know this hurts him. But he really hurt me. I’ve been so broken, so alone. Chastity was right. He isn’t just my person, he’s everything. That’s too big of a risk, too much responsibility to put on one person.

“I’ll give you whatever you need.” He closes the distance between us again. I freeze, waiting to see what happens next. His hand softly cups the back of my head, pulling me toward him into a crushing hug. After a moment, I try to pull back. His head shakes against the top of my hair, and he squeezes me. “Twenty seconds,” he whispers. I relax into his hold but refuse to let it pull me under. At least another thirty go by before I try again. This time he lets me.

He touches his lips softly to mine, holding them there for a moment before pulling back enough to press his forehead to mine. “I want us to get through this, okay? I want us to be all-in, endgame. Not one foot out the door. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.” My voice isn’t much louder than the darkness surrounding us as I disconnect. “Well, I guess I’ll see you later.” He doesn’t say anything, so I walk away from him.

When I hit the grass of my backyard, I look back in time to see his blue chair fly into the tree, breaking alongside my heart.

Chapter sixty-seven

COOPER

NOW

Cooper, 21; Sophie, 19

“Fuck,” I curse, slamming my palms against the steering wheel, my head falling against my seat. How the hell am I supposed to tell Dad I failed the National Real Estate Broker’s Test? Especially after I talked him into letting me take it a year before I graduated, claiming I was ready to start selling on my own. I passed the Oregon State one, but fuck, the national portion . . . I don’t even remember learning about half of what was on there. I shouldn’t be surprised considering I could hardly focus on any of the ninety hours of training I put in–ninety hours I now have to find the time to put in again, on top of all my schoolwork, so I don’t fail again.

The first week that went by without hearing from Sophie, I was able to distract myself. I know I walked away in the middle of a fight–right after sex–but she always comes back. When the end of the second week rolled around, I started wondering if this time would be the one that was different and couldn’t focus on a damn thing. Not that it’s directly her fault, but I still blame her and our situationship as the reason I failed this damn test.

I sigh, pulling my phone from where I put it in the center console and tap it against my palm, debating my next move. I’m losing my damn mind. Ever since I punched that douchebag last week, Sophie is all I can think about–not like that wasn’t the case before. But this is different. I can’t seem to work through it in my head or get her out of it. The way she’s under my skin but is off giving herself to other guys drives me insane. Especially since the other guys are men like JT. She’s always been such a light for me, but it feels like it dims each time she gives away a piece of herself to another man. I’m afraid if I don’t fix this, she’ll burn out–we’ll burn out.

Fuck Marcus’ idea to be friends with her so she can be part of my life again. All I want is to be near her, to hold her, breathe in her flowery scent. I just want one kiss, one that I know will leave me on a high for far longer than makes sense, that will make me feel like everything is okay. I need her, in every way.

Me: What are you doing?

I go to toss my phone back in the center console and drive home from the testing center, but it vibrates.

Sophie: Picking up my books for the new quarter. Why?

Me: Oh, okay. Nevermind.

Sophie: Do you need something?

Me: Idk

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