Page 58 of Blaze of Our Lives

The doors opened, and Shaun Cassidy raced inside the room. His posse followed morosely.

“Wow,” I said, looking around. Someone had some money in Snoz. The cavernous room was kind of like the room from the movie and kind of not. In this version, the floors were a shiny lime-green marble. Enormous celery-green chandeliers hung from a high ceiling painted with frescos of Shaun Cassidy himself. It was gaudy and weird. There was a screen behind the massive kelly-green throne. It went from the marble floor all the way to the alarmingly painted ceiling.

“Is it tacky?” Pandora demanded.

I kept my voice at a whisper. “With a capital T.” Next to the throne platform was a tall chartreuse curtain that reminded me of the color pee got after eating too much asparagus. Gross, but perfect for hiding a secret room. “Bingo,” I said quietly. “Screen is there. Curtain is there.”

“I think the Higher Power will take his spot behind the curtain,” Pandora said, getting excited. “My money is on Shaun Cassidy excusing himself from the room and then slipping behind the curtain to fuck with everybody.”

“My money is on you,” I told her.

“Of course, it is,” she replied giddily. “I’m brilliant!”

“Shall we chat with big me?” Shaun Cassidy asked, hopping up and down like a child.

I just nodded. It was hard to reconcile that he was the Higher Power. He seemed like he was stupid. But Pandora had said It was wily. If Shaun was playing a game, he was an excellent player.

I gasped as the enormous head of Shaun Cassidy appeared on the screen. The White Rabbit began to cry. The Cheshire Cat looked like he was going to hurl. The Mad Hatter laughed. And Shaun Cassidy, who was not behind the curtain, clapped his hands with glee.

“Am I not handsome?” he asked.

“Umm… very handsome,” I replied, lying through my teeth. His enormous face projected onto the screen showed every single pore and imperfection the man had.

“Wait,” Pandora said. “Isn’t he behind the curtain?”

“No.”

“Fuck,” she muttered.

“Good afternoon,” the giant Shaun face bellowed, shaking the foundation of the building.

The voice was warped. It didn’t sound like the man in the dress I was standing next to. It sounded odd, as if it was going through some kind of machine. I wondered if it was a recording.

“Why are you here?” Big Shaun demanded in an ugly tone.

“To see me!” Shaun Cassidy shouted back at his face. “I’m so handsome!”

“Cat!” Big Shaun growled.

“Yes?” the Cheshire Cat answered, shaking like a leaf.

“You are not welcome here. Off with your head.”

It wasn’t a recording.

On cue, green-clad guards marched into the room and dragged the screaming Cat to his death.

“Umm… this is really fucked up,” Pandora said.

“Word,” I agreed under my breath.

“Rabbit and the stupid-looking one with the Hat,” Big Shaun ground out. “You have thirty seconds to leave this room, or youse will meet the same fate as the Cat. AM I CLEAR?”

“As a heart attack,” the White Rabbit shrieked as he grabbed the Mad Hatter and busted ass out of the room.

“So exciting!” Shaun Cassidy sang as he hugged himself tight. “I’m just so powerful!”

And I was just so done. Shaun Cassidy wasn’t the Higher Power. Whoever was behind the curtain was the Higher Power, and, because of a slip of the tongue, I had a very good idea who that might be.

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