Page 50 of A Leaner Meaner Midlife

Lura Belle, Jolly Sue and Dmiple were definitely dead, but they looked pretty darn good for getting torn apart and sucked into a vortex of deadly Purgatory magic.

“Hello, all you fly-bitten moldwarps,” Lura Belle said with a silly smile on her normally pursed cat-butt lips. “What did we miss while we were indisposed?”

“A fuckin’ wedding,” Candy said.

“Unacceptable,” Jolly Sue grumbled. “We’ve only been gone a few days, and you boil-brained, goatish canker-blossoms had a wedding without us?”

“Oh my,” Dimple fretted. “It’s a very haggard, fat-kidneyed hugger-mugger thing to not include us!”

I agreed. I walked over to the Nephilim and hugged each one of them. Parts of their bodies went right through mine. Still, I was able to feel them, and they could feel me. “Welcome back. Can you stay a while?”

“I have no clue,” Dimple admitted. “However, we’re here now. I insist the wedding be redone. It’s rude not to.”

I turned and looked at Gideon. He simply shrugged. “I’d marry you a thousand times over. I’m in.”

“Candy? Can you pull that crap you said out of your butt again?” I asked.

“I just pulled an imaginary chicken egg out of my ass,” she reminded me. “Of course, I can yank a few F-bombs out and remarry you fuckers.”

I snorted. It was unavoidable. “Alrighty then. Let’s get married.”

“Hang on,” Lura Belle said, looking up at the sky and growing increasingly uncomfortable. “We have a message.”

“From who?” I asked, feeling a little wonky but unsure why.

“The Higher Power,” she said.

Now I knew why I felt wonky. Not much good came via the Higher Power.

“The message?” I held my breath, waiting for the answer.

“They’re coming back,” Lura Belle relayed. “The balance has shifted and must be repaired. If not… it will be a problem.”

I had so many questions, but I would deal with one at a time. “Who is coming back?”

“I don’t know,” Lura Belle admitted.

“Can you define problem?” I pressed, knowing it was probably futile.

Again, she didn’t know.

We all stood in silence and mulled over the new wrinkle that could unravel our lives… again. Catching a break and going on vacation was looking less likely.

“Holy motherfuckin’ shitballs,” Candy Vargo shouted. “What the actual fuck?”

I whipped around in the direction of Candy voice and gasped. What the actual fuck was correct.

On my front porch, transparent shoulder to transparent shoulder, stood some very familiar people to me. My gut clenched and my skin turned clammy. The group was expressionless and appeared scared.

Slowly, I walked toward the porch. Gideon fell in step to my right. Charlie to my left. Candy Vargo, Tim. Tory and Heather backed up Charlie. Gabe, Rafe, Prue and Abby stayed on Gideon’s side. Zander and Catriona were behind me and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse brought up the rear.

I wasn’t terrified of what I saw, but I was worried… worried for the ones on my porch. Something had gone wrong, terribly wrong.

“Steve?” I called out.

My dead husband barely acknowledged me. It was as if he couldn’t understand. He trembled and faded in and out. Standing beside him was Sam, Sister Catherine, Agnes, Birdie and John. They weren’t supposed to be here. They’d gone into the Light. I’d seen them go into the Light. I’d helped them do it.

But they were back.

---