Page 111 of House of Desire

My words trail off and she gives me time to collect myself, pressure free. I want to pull her into my lap, hold her, but I need a small amount of space. Just a little, to get the rest out.

“Why did she come here?” she asks, understandably. A tendril of guilt rises.

“She wanted to get back together.” I search her face for how this makes her feel, but she’s carefully blank.

“Do you still love her?” she asks. A fair question.

“She is the mother of my child. The person I expected to sit out on the front porch with every night. And I loved her. So much. It felt like I had always loved her. There will always be a soft spot in my heart for her, for what we shared and lost. For that time.” I’m prepared for all the feelings that normally come with this story, but for the first time, all I feel is calm. Rightness. Like I’m finally ready to confront the pain of my past. “But that time is gone and when I look at her now, all I see is the boy she knew and the girl she was. She doesn’t know me, now. She doesn’t know the man her leaving helped to create. The one that has to fight to believe he’s worth loving. I can’t be that boy again. I don’t want to be.”

“Did anything happen while she was here?” Her voice is steady, but I doubt she feels that way inside.

“Nothing. She didn’t try anything and I wouldn’t have been open to it, but she did stay in my house. In the guest room. She never even crossed the threshold of my bedroom. But when she asked to stay, the part of me that remembers us together, that she gave me Wyatt, couldn’t tell her no.”

“I can understand that. But I’m glad to know nothing happened. Then what happened?” she asks, wanting me to finish the story as much as I want to finish it.

“Toward the end, before she left, our fights turned toward how I was trapping her. How boring I was. I ruined her life. I kept her from going to college. If we had thought of birth control at all, then none of this would have ever happened and she wouldn’t know how much it hurt to lose a child. And I thought how right she was.

“I knew she wasn’t on birth control but, like all teenagers, I just wanted to know what it felt like without the barrier. They weren’t lying though when they said it only takes one time.

“The reason I ended up on House of Desire was because of something my therapist said. But I still wasn’t ready. I hadn’t healed from the abandonment and the angry words she had hurled at me. The lack of closure. And then I met you. And for once, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I never should have proposed to you. I should have told production to fuck off and do what I wanted, which was to ask you to be my girlfriend and date me in the real world. I’m so sorry, for putting you in the position of having to reject me. That wasn’t fair of me.”

Her eyes are filled with tears, but she reaches out, taking my hand.

“It’s okay, Parker.”

“No, it wasn’t. I knew I couldn’t give you the things you needed at that time but I just didn’t want you to leave. I wanted to keep you and the ring was in my pocket and I didn’t want to lose you. And that didn’t work. But then I saw you at the movie premiere and I knew I needed to do what I had to so I could be a whole person again. I worked with my therapist three times a week for an entire month. We’ve finally downgraded to once a week lately. I’m not perfect. I’m not healed, I probably won’t ever be after that loss, but I’m doing the work. And I’ll keep doing the work, but I hope you want to give me a chance, imperfections and everything.”

I lay myself bare to her and as she opens her mouth to respond, I cut her off.

“Actually, don’t say anything. Not yet. Because this was heavy and a lot. I want you to take your time and really give it thought. Because if you want me, I want you to know I intend to keep you. Our wrap party for House of Desire is Friday, as you know, and if you want me, tell me then and be my date.”

“If that’s what you want,” she says and then gives me a shy smile. “Do you want to help me cook dinner tonight? I was thinking the sausage and tortellini recipe I made you before.”

“Sounds amazing,” I say and we make our way into the kitchen. We spend hours cooking, eating, and just talking. The sun has long set when I make my way home, finally at peace.

Courtney wraps the last tray of un-iced cookies and other various desserts while I put the finishing touches on the five-tier cake. During one of our concept meetings, Ryan Jade had brought in photographs of her parents’ wedding. Her mother’s dress was encrusted in pearls, a family heirloom that was created by all the women in her family.

The champagne cake is filled with a pale pink strawberry buttercream, mixed with chunks of strawberries. It's covered in more buttercream with edible pearls spilling down the five tiers in a wave. Between the tiers are the same types of flowers that had been in the bridal bouquet.

It is one of the most beautiful cakes I have ever made.

I finish placing the last pearl, standing on my step stool.

My hand has been steady the entire time I’ve decorated this cake. Normally, the pressure makes me a little shaky, but ever since Parker and I talked, I have had a calmness inside. Climbing down my step stool, I stand back and just look at the cake for a moment, my eyes getting a little misty at the amazing work.

To say Courtney and I have been busy with all the baking is an understatement. The cupcakes were three different flavors for people who don’t like strawberry. The designs on top were relatively simple for Courtney to do while Mom was completely focused on the ovens and swapping all the treats from waiting to be cooked to the cool down process while I worked on the cake. Dad and Liam handled the rest of the bakery like pros.

My phone vibrates and I smile at Parker’s name on my screen.

Parker: Send me pictures of the cake! I’m sure it looks amazing. Good luck today even though I know you don’t need it.

I send him a quick picture as Dom comes barreling into the back of the kitchen, grabbing the extra cupcake from the designated location. I always make sure to put one cupcake to the side for him any time he helps me, the flavor different every time.

“Wow, that’s awesome,” Dom exclaims, awe in his voice.

“Thanks. Delivery van all gassed up?” I ask, as I walk around the cake, making sure nothing else needs to be done.

“It’s ready to go. Do you want to start loading up?”

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