Page 26 of Angel

I shift again and rub my palm along the top of my thigh. “Yeah, I, uh, like working with my hands.”

Sebastian nods. “Mmhmm, and what types of projects do you work on? Home renos and stuff like that?”

“Uh, no, commercial projects. We’re doing an office building in Midtown right now.”

“Construction workers are hot,” Hayden says, to no one in particular.

“They are,” Sebastian agrees. “Tons of videos with construction workers.”

“You’ve run the numbers?” Rhys asks, eyes narrowed.

Sebastian scoffs lightly. “Of course I’ve run the numbers. Who do you think I am?”

“He means numbers for videos,” Hayden explains to me. “Like number of downloads and views, number of subscribers, things like that. To see if they’re profitable. Sebastian’s very business-minded.”

“And I can confidently say that videos with construction workers do very well.” The emphasis he places on those two words makes my tummy feel unsettled and fluttery. “Especially straight construction workers.”

I drain the last of my beer, but instead of cooling me off, the alcohol sits like a warm pool in my stomach. My ears burn and I can’t help tugging at my collar.

“Sebby!” Rhys scolds him in a hushed voice.

“What? I thought you said that’s what we’re meeting about.” Sebastian sounds confused.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to…” Rhys waves his hands around. “You know.”

Sebastian glances at Hayden, who shrugs. Apparently neither of them knows.

“Don’t pressure him!” Rhys’s eyes flash in defiance as he tries to speak without moving his lips, as if I won’t be able to hear him that way.

Rhys is being so protective and it loosens something inside me that’s always been wound up tight. I’m usually the protective one, using my size to block players on the football field or help Mama around the house, or even just stand there intimidatingly when Sabrina’s trying to get rid of a guy she doesn’t like. People don’t really rush to my defense, they don’t bother standing up for me.

“That’s okay,” I say quietly, suddenly feeling a little choked up.

“Are you sure?” Rhys asks me, so full of concern.

I nod, despite the queasiness that’s making the alcohol slosh uncomfortably in my stomach. I appreciate Rhys trying to protect me, but Sebastian’s right. I’m the one who brought up the idea with Rhys in the first place. I agreed to come here today. As insane as this whole thing is, it would be cowardly of me to leave without having this conversation.

“Yeah, I, uh…” I gulp, then clear my throat. “It’s okay.”

Silence stretches several long moments before Sebastian speaks. When he does, his voice is gentle and calm. “How about I tell you about what we do at The Camboy Network?”

I nod, glad to be able to listen rather than speak.

Sebastian sits up straighter, and his face lights up. “It’s basically a film studio these days. We specialize in gay adult content. I do most of the producing, directing, and editing. And Rhys and Hayden and the others perform.”

Sebastian pauses and I nod to show him I’m following. Even though I’m not, not a hundred percent. But I think I’ve got the gist and the prospect makes me feel all sorts of things I don’t understand. Jittery and cramped, but also hot and a little tingly. I’m uncomfortable, but the only thing I can think of to ease the discomfort is… to take all my clothes off. It makes absolutely no freaking sense.

“If you wanted to work on a project with us, we’d pay you a standard daily rate. If the video does well and if you enjoy performing, we could talk about doing a series of videos.”

I nod again, although, at this point, I don’t know what it means anymore. Am I just saying I get what he’s saying? Or am I agreeing to something more?

“If you don’t mind me asking…” Sebastian shoots a sideways glance at Rhys, whose expression is serious and guarded. “Have you been with a guy before?”

I curl my hands into fists on my thighs. My ears burn red-hot and my tongue feels too big for my mouth. I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak.

“So… why would you want to do gay porn?”

All of a sudden, I forget how swallowing works, or how saliva works, or how my throat works, and I start choking on my own spit.

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