Page 16 of It's All You

The smile Beau gives me melts all the awkward embarrassment away. I love that smile. It’s so innocent and pure without a single ounce of guile. It’s Beau at his most unguarded, most honest, and I cherish it every time he graces me with it.

“I want to be,” he says. He slips his hand into mine the way he did on the subway, our fingers intertwined, and I lead the way into the bedroom.

I go to the right side of the bed. He goes to the left. A thought occurs to me. “Is that the side you normally sleep on?”

Beau studies the bed for a moment before he chuckles. “Yeah, it is.”

It doesn’t mean anything. And yet, my heart swells with how well we fit, even in this minuscule, insignificant way. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, whether Beau’s freak out is waiting for the light of day. I don’t know what we’ll become, or whether our friendship will survive this. But I don’t care. For now, in these few hours we have left of the night, I’m going to take what I’ve always wanted. I’m going to take Beau and not think about the consequences.

We climb into bed and wordlessly turn toward each other. Beau drags me into his side until my head is pillowed on his shoulder. I wrap my arm around his waist and hook an ankle over his. I want to stay awake forever and savor being held by him. I want to imprint every second onto my memory in case this is all I’ll ever get. But despite myself, my eyes grow heavy and start drifting shut.

I’m inches away from unconsciousness, in that place where everything feels like a dream. I feel Beau’s lips press against my forehead and his arms tighten around me. I hear him whisper, “Goodnight, Gavin,” and there’s something in his voice that I’m not alert enough to identify. I try to say goodnight back, but it comes out as a mumble. That’s okay, I’ll remember to tell him tomorrow.

CHAPTER TWENTY

BEAU

This is my favorite way to wake up. Nose buried in silky soft hair, dick nestled between plump ass cheeks, all toasty warm under the covers.

Except… this isn’t Lucy. This is Gavin.

Last night comes rushing back to me. Kissing Gavin, sucking his dick, holding his hand. It should freak me out, not only that he’s a man, but he’s Gavin, of all people. He’s my best friend. I’ve known him my whole life. If I was gay, shouldn’t I have felt all this years ago? You know, back when I started being attracted to girls?

But instead of panic and fear, I only want to get closer. My morning woody turns into a full-blown hard-on and my arm tightens involuntarily around him. I inhale, long and deep, taking in Gavin’s familiar, comforting scent. I want to open my eyes and take in his sleepy, pillow-creased face. I want to tug down his boxers and slide my cock right into him.

Gavin stirs and pushes back against me, rubbing his ass over my groin like he’s reading my mind and wondering what I’m waiting for.

I clamp my hand on his hip because if he keeps grinding up on me, I might actually do it.

“G.”

He freezes.

I feel the instant his eyes pop open and hear the torrent of thoughts tumbling through his mind. He’s having the reaction I should be having—freaking out and panicking and screaming internally in terror.

“G,” I say again, softer this time.

Slowly—oh so slowly—Gavin turns so he’s lying on his back. He’s got crusty sleep in the corners of his eyes and one long line down his cheek from a fold in the pillowcase. His stubble is darker this morning and his hair is as wild as a bird’s nest.

“Beau.” His voice is groggy and rough with a hint of wariness that makes my heart flip over in my chest.

An almost uncontrollable urge comes over me, to kiss him, hard and deep, and make him melt under me. God, I don’t know what’s gotten into me, why I feel this way, or why now, all of a sudden. And the truly scary part is I can’t find it in me to get worked up about it. The only thing that matters is I want this. I want him.

Gavin’s eyes widen as I inch toward him, but he doesn’t stop me when I brush my lips across his. They’re dry and cracked, his stubble is prickly and coarse, and there’s no hiding his morning breath. And yet, when he kisses me back, it’s the most delicious kiss I’ve ever had. It sends ripples of something bright and ticklish through my body, lighting me up from the inside out.

A whimper escapes Gavin’s throat and the sound trips a switch in me. I shift to cover his body with mine and wedge my thigh high and tight between his. He’s hard too, a thick long length that burns against my quad. He wants me just as much as I want him.

I lick along the seam of Gavin’s lips and when our tongues touch, it’s like fucking fireworks. Literal stars burst in my eyes and sparks dance from the top of my head down to the soles of my feet. I want more. I need more.

Pressure on my chest brings reality snapping back into focus. Gavin’s pushing me away and I hurry to scramble off him.

“Sorry. Sorry. Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” I don’t know what I’m apologizing for because even now the only thing I can think about is climbing on him again and twirling my tongue around his. My cock is hard enough to hammer nails and I have to curl my fingers into the bedsheets to keep myself from reaching for him.

“No, no, stop.” Gavin puts his fingers over my lips to shut me up and when I finally quit babbling, he slides his hand over my cheek. “Beau, what is this?”

Gavin’s got the most soulful eyes of anyone I’ve ever met. Warm browns and golds that glow when they’re in the right light. With the late morning sun streaming in through the window, this is the right light.

I put my hand over Gavin’s. “I don’t know what this is. I wish I did. But I don’t.”

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