"Well," my mom says, breaking the moment, "I should go grab some coffee. I'll give you two a minute."
As she leaves, Shep takes her place by my bedside. He hesitates momentarily, then gently takes my uninjured hand in his. The touch sends a warmth through me that has nothing to do with my recent fever.
"I'm so glad you're okay, Elle," he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. He pulls my hand up to his lips and leaves it there for a moment. "When I realized what was happening, I jumped into action, scared of losing you. I've never been so scared in my life."
I take in all this beautiful man sitting beside me, sincerely concerned about me. In a span of less than a week, I've gone from feeling despondently alone to feeling like I have someone standing beside me who truly cares about me. A flood of emotions washes over me.
Maybe it's the near-death experience, or perhaps it's just been building up all this time, but I suddenly feel connected to him in a way I haven't let myself before now. Slowly, I’ve eroded some of the safety barriers that have protected me from him.
I am vulnerable, and I don't feel scared. For once, I have a deep urge or need to address our past. He's tried before, but I stopped him, not wanting to open those floodgates. But now, I feel ready.
"Shep," I start, my voice barely above a whisper, "I am ready to talk about what happened between us. At least address the elephant in the room."
He nods, squeezing my hand gently. "I've been thinking about that a lot the last few days, too. There are so many things I've wanted to say to you about how I handled things, how I wish I could go back and change some things."
I take a deep breath. "We both could have handled things differently back then. But I want you to know that I don't blame you anymore. I used to think our demise was all your fault, but I realize now that wasn't fair. You didn't deserve to shoulder all of that."
Shep's eyes widen slightly. "Elle, I... I was so selfish. I should have tried harder to make it work. I should have considered your dreams as much as my own."
"We were young," I say, feeling a weight lift off my chest. "We both had big ambitions. I could have made some different choices, too."
He shakes his head, his grip on my hand tightening. "No, I need to own this. I could have looked into med schools that would have allowed us to stay closer. I could have talked to you about it instead of just... pulling away. I was so focused on becoming a doctor that I lost sight of what mattered."
I feel tears welling up in my eyes. "I appreciate you saying that, Shep. It really means a lot."
He leans in closer, his voice low and intense. "Coming so close to losing you... it's made me realize how much I regret letting you go. How much I've missed you all these years."
My heart races. "I've missed you too," I admit softly. "I let anger deceive me into thinking I didn't still care about you. I couldn't acknowledge that I missed you. It would have been too painful."
Shep brings my hand to his lips again, this time placing a gentle kiss on my knuckles. "I know this isn't the best time or place, but I want you to know I'm here for you in every way you want me to be. And if you're willing, I'd like a chance to make things right between us. I know we have both made lives several hundred miles apart, but I'd like to try."
I look into his eyes and see the sincerity and love there. Despite everything we've been through, I feel a spark of hope igniting in my chest. Can I do long-distance? Is that something I want to try? With him, of all people?
I'm not sure I can say yes with complete confidence. But what I am confident about is this: I am falling for Shep Duncan. Again.
I watch Shep's face as he speaks, his eyes never leaving mine. "Elle, I want you to know that I'm here for you, but I also respect that your family is here now. We should continue this conversation when you feel better and have more time to process everything."
I nod, feeling a mix of relief and disappointment. "I'd like that," I say softly.
He squeezes my hand gently. "I'll be here as much or as little as you want. Just let me know, okay?"
"Okay," I whisper, my throat suddenly tight with emotion.
Shep stands up, his tall frame towering over my hospital bed. "I've got surgery in a few minutes, but I'll check on you later. Is that alright?"
"Of course," I say, managing a small smile.
"Do you promise to tell me if I'm overstepping my bounds?"
I nod, a goofy grin pasted across my face. I'm sure I look like a love-sick, wet chihuahua.
As he turns to leave, I marvel at him while he walks away. His broad shoulders fill out his white coat perfectly. And even in his hurried stride, there's a grace to his movements that I'd forgotten about.
He pauses at the door, glancing back at me one last time. Our eyes meet, and he gives me a crooked grin. I can't let go of the thought that he literally saved my life... And seems genuinely concerned about my well-being. That in and of itself tells me so much more than I can articulate, even to myself.
I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. It's as if my body remembers the pain of our past separation—even as my heart yearns for the possibility of a future together.
FOURTEEN