When I was just a child, hiding from thunderstorms under my covers as the sound of the intense waves smashed outside with the thunder rumbling. I swore I wouldn't make a peep, but she always knew. She came in with a cup of cocoa in hand and shut the curtains. She ran a brush through my hair and braided it as I sat in her lap. She made the worst nights of summer the best.
"Honey, I know you're scared." I felt my eyes watering, something I rarely let myself do. Because I wasn’t just scared; I was petrified of what this conversation would hold. "You're going to be okay, Grandma; sometimes we need a little oxygen?" Denial, pushing her words back, not wanting her to uncover the truth.
"I don't have much time left, honey." I bit my lip anxiously. I couldn't let out a single sob, or Joely would hear. But I felt myself begin to shake as I held back my emotions. She placed her hand on my arm with a warm smile. She wasn't afraid of anything. She was Grandma, strong and fearless. "Listen to me, Hope." Tears shone in her eyes as she mustered up the words to speak.
"I’ve been in acceptance for a while now and chose that living in fear is not really living. I hope death is like being carried back to my bedroom when I was a child and fell asleep on the couch during one of my mother's parties. I hope I can hear the laughter from the room next door." Shattered. That's how I felt. She knew she was going to die, and she just accepted it. She didn't fear death; she knew Grandpa would be waiting for her. But I feared it. I feared her death more than one can explain. She was the last piece of my biological family I had, "Don't let my death freeze your life; you learn from it. You grow from grief, and you'll find your way. You and Joely will thrive. I'll make sure of it."
"You're acting as if you're already gone, Grandma." I shook my head at her as I let the tears go.
"I'll never be gone fully. I'll always be with you." I felt almost sick from her words, and she knew death was just around the corner. It felt as if she was just running into its arms rather than escaping it.
"I want to enjoy the time I have with you now, Grandma. Not thinking about the future." She nods and takes me into her arms as I cry. This was the worst feeling—the one where you feel more hopeless than ever.
"I love you, Hopey." Her hands stroke my hair like she always did to comfort me.
“I love you, Grandma.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Hope Taylor
I couldn't lie. The navy satin silk dress Maria bought me was stunning. The way it looked in the mirror on me gave me such confidence. It fit like a glove, hugging every curve of my body perfectly. I was nervous for tonight, and I wasn't one for crowds.
The dress reminded me of a memory I had of my mother. Though we don't look the same in it, I remember similarities in this dress, though hers had much more design to it than mine. She would wear it on a date night out with my father. When I was younger, every Thursday, the two of them would go out to eat. My mom would get all pretty and dressed up for a night that would ironically end in disaster like it always did.
They'd come home hammered just around 11 o'clock, fighting over how a guy simply looked at my mother. But that signature Navy dress of hers was one I'd remembered. Though I felt far from her tonight, nor do I ever feel like her.
"Mummy!" she shouted as she bumbled into the room. I smiled as I turned to her, and Grayson stepped in after her. "She wanted to see your final product and got ahead of herself." Joely smiled at me as I held the perfume. "Do you want some?" She nodded rapidly, and I spritzed the tiniest amount on her wrist, instructing her to rub it together. Then she looks to Grayson, suggesting I do the same to him. He could never argue with her, so he pulled his shirt to reveal his collarbone.
“Don’t use a generous amount, Hope,” he warns. As I go to spray it, I notice a scar mixed in with the tattoo on his collarbone. It seemed familiar. “No promises,” I tease. As I spray it, his hand instinctively goes to my wrist, and he holds it.
“Don’t let Theo drive you insane, alright?” It was weird to stand here like this with Grayson. He’d usually tease something about Theo: “You know I’d beat him up if you’d just asked.” This makes me laugh.
“Trust me, I can kick his ass all on my own,” He nods in agreement and looks back down to Joely, who stands in between us.
"Do you have to go, Mummy?" She pouts as she stares at me; she didn’t enjoy it when I left unnecessarily for nonwork things. She looked almost as if she could give into a cry, "Well, I have to help Theo out, baby?" I kissed her cheek, “I will be home to snuggle right on up with you soon, okay? And you got Uncle Grayson here?" She nods in agreement, and the doorbell rings, so I turn to the stairs to answer the door. I wasn't expecting anybody, and I was meeting Theo at the venue. I twisted the front knob and opened the door.
He stood with his hair disgruntled in blue wrinkled scrubs, saying, "You look... wow." He stood admiring me, and I was confused as to why he was here. But he seemed speechless at the moment.
"I'm on my way out to a charity event? What are you doing here? I thought you were at work?" A sheepish smile grew on his face as he looked to the ground. "I wanted to surprise you but didn't think to call because... Well, it was a surprise?"
I felt a bit guilty. We weren't officially together, so I was free to do what I wanted; we were just going on dates. Tonight wasn't even a date for Theo and me; it was me assisting a friend who needed help. But I felt my heart laced with guilt: "Sorry to ruin the surprise. I have to get going, though."
"Dinner? Can we have dinner sometime this week or a date, please? I'd love to." I leaned on the side of the doorway as his eyes continued to linger on my body. "Please, Hope,” he begged.
"Fine. Can you text me a date and time that works best for you?" He smirked at me with a pleased smile.
"Yes! Thank you! You look beautiful tonight, Hope." I nodded and closed the door as he walked away. “Was that Dr. McDreamy?" I heard Bella tease as she came behind me. "Why would you think Patrick Dempsey was at my door?" She sighed as I ruined her fun. "Have you tapped that ass yet though?" I halt from her words.
"No, and I don't have to." She looked like I'd said the most absurd thing. "I think it’s crazy that you haven't fucked the hot doctor? Are you waiting for him to give you a special physical?" Yep, Bella was a loon, and it was now confirmed here. I wonder if she was trying to live through me relationship-wise now that she was locked down. "Alright, that's enough from you." Another knock came at the door, "God, what now." I opened the door to Theo standing in a black tux.
He stopped and stood still, staring at me. "I was supposed to be meeting you?" He shook his head in disagreement. "You think I’d allow you to drive there? That'd be irresponsible, especially for those out on the streets tonight." He stepped inside, and Bella glared at him and stepped away.
"Now, how drunk do you expect me to get?" He shrugged.
"Not very, but I still wanted to arrive with my guest." He offered his arm, and before I could accept it, her voice echoed down the halls.
"Theo!" I heard Joely's little feet patter behind me as she rushed over to the door.