"They got engaged a little over a month ago, and things have just been hectic." She nodded in understanding. She knew I took my work very seriously.
"You know your parents are coming here and spending Christmas with me," I felt a pang in my heart. I wondered if it was a ploy to get me to come. Grandma's health was declining, and they saw this as an opportunity. "What a coincidence?" I murmured, slightly irked at the thought of what they were plotting.
"They don't know I keep in contact with you, dear." I stood, walking over to the mantle that displayed a photo of me at my college graduation with Grandma. "I think this photo of me says otherwise." I turned it towards her, knowing my mother had seen it. "And the ones of Joely and me in your bedroom as well. I think they know Grandma." She shrugged, unsure.
"Well, they never ask me about it." Another pang to the heart: they didn't want to know how I was or that I had a child of my own. It shouldn’t bother me, but it does.
"They probably see Joely’s drawings on your fridge as well?" She shrugged again.
"I'm serious. They don't question me, Hope. If they did, I'd simply say, you're a successful, hard-working woman who's accomplished so much." She grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly, but her expression shifted; it was more serious.
"Look, I won't be here for much longer." I didn't like where this was going. It was evident Grandma wasn't on a good slope, and Sharma must’ve lied to get me to come in, mostly because she probably knew how I hated seeing Grandma like this. "You want me at Christmas?" Her eyes rounded in response as if that were the worst idea ever, and I agreed.
"Oh, absolutely not, dear. That would be the worst Christmas since 89." She reached for the blue china that held her tea. The Christmas of 89 was notorious for how horribly wrong things went. Apparently, my Pop, her first husband's mistress, had shown up to the house on Christmas, and My Mother Julie set the woman's car on fire, which spread to the backyard, burning the grass. I was surprised how they didn’t pick up on how she’s always been crazy.
Grandma was too distraught even to think. Because his mistress had been pregnant, that was the end of their marriage, right on Christmas. But by next Christmas, she'd met my grandpa. I'd only met my mother's biological father on a few occasions, but I knew the story of how it ended. I should've known my mom was a psycho after that, but instead, I laughed.
As a kid, you're just taught to love your parents. But one bad moment can change your whole perspective on everything. When you're a kid, you make excuses. Because you don't know better, you don't know it's abuse—until you go and see someone else's home life and how yours differs drastically.
"Okay, then what can I do for you, Grandma?" She pointed to a brown folder sealed off in the corner of the coffee table, "A bit ominous, huh?" She shook her head.
"It's just for my will; I need you to sign it." My stomach was unsettled as I stared at the folder. I'd never had anything to do with anyone's will. Taryn was in charge of my parents, and as far as I knew, I was not in it. If anything, all there is to claim is twenty-five cents. But I didn’t care for that; I cared for her.
"For me to sign? Grandma, what's this for? This is Julie's sort of thing." She shook her head, but now she looked more nervous to speak. "I'm making you the trustee." She took a shaken breath and listened to the rattle of her teacup in hand. She lifted it to her lips slowly and sipped it, lowering the floral cup down. I blink three times to see if I'm hearing this correctly and then scan the room. "Hope?" I stare back at Grandma, who just sheds her soft, warm, and comforting smile. The one that reassures you everything will be okay.
"Do Julie and Hyram know?" I think my parents would try and kill me themselves. They hated me, well, seven-teen-year-old me. They didn’t know twenty-five-year-old me, and I’m still very similar. I heard a crack at the door before she could speak, and it was pushed open. My toddler ran forward through the door with excitement. Bella walked behind her, looking slightly exhausted.
"Gran!" Joely stumbled slightly to catch her balance and quickly rushed over to Mary Ellen. My grandma loves my daughter the most in this world; it was evident. When I told her I was pregnant, she didn't scold or disown me. She simply took my hand and squeezed it, saying, “You'll be better than Julie ever was, darling." She knew it all. That summer, the events that led to Joely and how I fell madly in love with a mistake. But she helped me through schooling and my pregnancy.
"Oh, Joe, look at you!" She puts the tea down, opening her arms wide for Joely to enter. She pushes herself onto the couch, and Grandma wraps her arms around her, making sure that her oxygen tube isn't blocked.
Grandma knew I didn't like this. She was 80 years old but was terminal; we all knew it but didn't want to face it. She just wanted to live the rest of her life, not scared anymore. She wanted to be free of a hospital bed and at her own home, not our last sight of her in a bed sick.
But those thoughts made me nauseous. I couldn't fathom the idea of her not being here anymore, "I swear you just get bigger every time I see you!" She smothers Joely’s face with kisses, hugging her tight.
Her eyes lingered on me and then the paper. I didn't even want to read it. But I didn't want to disrespect her wishes. She didn't trust my mom, and it was evident she didn't trust her son even more than my mother and most definitely not my father. Taryn doesn't give a damn, but I do.
So I simply nodded, lifting the golden pen to dot my i's and cross my t's. I placed it down, moved the folder away, and turned my attention back to them. "I think Joe has the best fashion I've ever seen for a toddler!" Joe giggled, nuzzling into Grandma as she praised her.
"She picked out her outfit herself today," I added, "which is why there's a lot of lavender." She brushed her hand through Joely's hair; it reminded me of how she did the same to me as a girl.
At her home in Maine, we'd sit on the beach watching the sun go down, the sound of the waves carrying us away as we looked out the window for mermaids. She promised me that one day I'd find one. But in a way, I learned that it wasn't about finding a mermaid. It was about finding the most magical thing in my life.
"I hear congratulations are in order." Her head moves to Bella, who sits blushing in a chair diagonal from us, "Well, come on, show me the ring!" Bella flashes her hand, causing Grandma to squeal in excitement. The massive rock on her finger is incredibly impressive and something to show: "Oh dear, it's wonderful. Grayson is one lucky man!" She pulls Bella into a tight hug and let’s go. Her hopeful eyes shine towards me, and I roll my eyes. But then Bella interrupts before I can say a word about what's coming next: "Ah, ah, ah... Hopes got herself a boyfriend."
Never in my life have I wanted to punch my best friend in the face more than right now. She just baited Grandma, and now we'll be here for hours. "We aren't officially together, Bella. Calm down."
"Four dates to prove it!" she adds, which makes my grandma more excited. I hated telling Grandma things because I knew she would worry or get her hopes up for me.
"Hope, why didn't you say anything!" This time, my grandma spoke. "Oh, and he's a doctor also. Did I forget to mention?” Bella adds. I wanted to end her right here and now as she continues to entice my grandmother.
"Oh my god, Bella!" Now, I was just frustrated with her. She shrugged, leaning against the fireplace. At points, she had a thing for disrespecting boundaries, but I was so used to it that I didn’t really care that much anymore.
"What he is! He also really likes her!"
Soon, the conversation drops, and we move on to discuss wedding details. Grandma stands and signals me to the other room to talk alone while Joely is distracted by Bella. She closes the door behind us. I knew one of her talks was coming, and I knew this one would be bad. I knew it was about her health, and I knew I didn't want to hear it.
"I can see it all over your face the second you walked in and saw the oxygen mask." The one thing I forgot about Grandma was that she could sense fear. I didn’t experience that emotion often, but when I did, she knew.