Page 92 of Whatever You Want

The serial killer book I was about to start would have to wait.

“Hello.”

“Hallelujah! She finally picks up the phone.”

It was surprising that she hadn’t driven over and beaten down my door by now.

“You know why I haven’t been able to return your calls.”

“Yeah, because you knew I’d talk some sense into you.”

This is what I got for getting involved with Marco’s best friend. I closed my eyes, wishing it didn’t have to be like this because my life would be a hell of a lot easier right now.

“Amelia…”

“I was calling to tell you that Marco took Logan for his follow-up appointment today. Just in case you were wondering how he was doing. You know, after being stabbed in the chest.”

I sighed and slumped down on the barstool. The Kindle was pushed aside. “What did the doctor say?”

“He removed the stitches. Everything is healing. No complications. He cleared him to go back to work as long as he stays out of dark alleys for now.”

“Thanks for letting me know.”

“He also got checked over by a cardiologist and everything looks fine. Luckily, the length of the knife and the angle of the blade just missed his left ventricle, otherwise we would be having a different conversation.”

“I can’t tell how relieved I am to hear that.”

“You could call him yourself and let him know that you care.”

“Amelia.” My eyes closed. “Of course, I care, but that doesn’t change the fact that he should have told me about his heart condition,” I said, feeling the need to defend myself. How could she expect me to be okay with him keeping something like that from me?

“If he did, then you wouldn’t have given him a chance. I’ve been in his shoes before, remember? So, I can sympathize with him on this one. I kept the agreement I made with my grandfather from Marco, and it blew up in my face. It took him getting shot for me to realize that I had made a mistake.”

I exhaled a breath, knowing what she said was true. “It doesn’t change anything and I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

Did she think that this was what I wanted?

“Ava, I won’t pretend to know what’s best for you. Just ask yourself one thing.”

“What?”

“You said you didn’t want to get hurt again and couldn’t suffer through another broken heart. How does your heart feel right now?”

“My heart fucking hurts. Is that what you want to hear?” Amelia was my best friend. She was usually on my side. She was just trying to prove a point, she wasn’t trying to upset me, or maybe she was, I didn’t know anymore.

“Listen, I’m not judging you. We all say things when we’re scared and angry. But Ava,” she sighed, “you love him. Really love him. You, out of everyone, should know there are no guarantees in this life. No one can promise or predict the future. If you want my opinion, you’re wasting time. Precious time you will never get back again. And I don’t need to remind you that Logan is a catch. He won’t be single forever.”

“Why are you telling me this?” She couldn’t possibly think this was helping. “And he’s not fucking perfect. He has flaws just like everyone else.” I started pacing around my kitchen, my eyes narrowing on the damn fish tank. “He leaves the cap off the toothpaste and doesn’t rinse the sink out after brushing his teeth. He listens to the TV way too loud. He has a gross habit of cleaning the hair from his electric razor in the toilet and leaving beard trimmings all over the rim,” I informed her, ticking everything off the list. “And speaking of the toilet, he sometimes misses his target when he goes in the middle of the night. He can be moody, especially after he’s had a long workday.”

My mind began to spin with everything he did wrong, but then I remembered how he loved to tangle his fingers in my hair when we kissed. How he would always make sure I had my dinner plate before he ate his. He would insist on holding me whenever we slept together. I normally liked my space, but with him, I could never get close enough. Whenever we were around other people, he would make a point to keep his hand on my knee or around my shoulders. It was like he needed to touch me, even if his focus was on other people. He was attentive, caring, funny, and always the first to say he was sorry, even when he had no reason to apologize.

Doubt started to creep its way inside my head. The pain in his eyes. The fear in his voice. It was a continuous loop. Did I overreact? Did I handle it all wrong? Of course, I fucking did.

“I know he’s not perfect. No one is, but that man loves you.”

“I know you mean well,” I said, feeling like I was being split in two. Part of me wanted to beg him for forgiveness. The other half was intent on protecting what was left of my heart.

“I’m just trying to help you see what is right in front of you. Logan is a good guy.” She wasn’t wrong, but I really wish she would stop reminding me. “He would do anything for you and Madison. I know you’re terrified of losing another person you love, but pushing him away because he could potentially get sick one day is bullshit. That man brought a smile back to your face. He helped fill in some of those gaps that Drew left behind. But you got so wrapped up in your own fears you couldn’t see straight.” I didn’t know how to defend myself against her words. Everything she said was true. “You lost your first love and survived. You don’t need to throw away your second just because you’re afraid of losing it.”

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