Page 2 of Whatever You Want

“How am I going to do this alone? I don’t know how I’m going to live in this world without him.” I fell to my knees and begged God to take my pain away, to put me out of my misery. Logan stepped forward. His face was pinched with worry. Marco held his hand out and silently urged his friend to stay back.

My stomach dropped at the realization of what I’d done. “Oh, my God.” A sob sprung from my throat.

Amelia and Marco lifted me up by my elbows and guided me over to a parked car. “Let’s get you out of here,” Marco whispered as Logan held the passenger door open. Amelia’s lip trembled as she buckled my seat belt. Marco whispered something in her ear and kissed the top of her forehead. As soon as the door shut and we pulled away, I felt my muscles relax. I swallowed down the burn in my throat and silently wondered how I was ever going to recover from this.

One Year Later

“Oh, my God. She is so adorable,” I said, smiling down at the little cutie in my arms. Marco sat next to Amelia on her hospital bed, watching me across the room as I buried my face in little Gia’s hair. She smelled like heaven. I pulled the little pink blanket back to get a better look at her face. “You are all your daddy, you know that?”

“Hey, she has my eyes,” Amelia grumbled, but there was nothing but happiness in her expression.

Marco kissed the top of her head. “Sweetheart, most babies have blue eyes when they’re first born.”

“Well, obviously some people keep their blue eyes, don’t they?” She pointed to her face, and he kissed her again. It was such a tender moment, one that made my heart ache. It reminded me of the type of love I once had. I swallowed down that familiar pain and focused on the little bundle in my arms.

“You’ve got quite the Italian name for yourself, little girl.” I beamed as she let out a yawn.

Gianna Sophia Rubintino was born yesterday, weighing eight pounds and five ounces, and was absolutely perfect. I trailed my fingertips along her chubby pink cheeks. It seemed like two lifetimes ago when Madison was this tiny.

“Giving her Sophia’s name was the only way to get Marco’s grandmother to talk to us again,” Amelia said, pushing a few buttons on her remote so she could raise her bed forward.

A laugh spilled out of me. Marco’s grandmother was a hoot. That little old lady said whatever was on her mind, and if you didn’t like it, too bad.

“That’s what you get for running off and eloping when the groom has a big Italian family.” I grinned as little Gia kicked her pudgy pink legs out. “I think someone is hungry.” I placed her gently in her mother’s arms. Marco’s brown eyes shined with adoration as he stared at his wife and daughter. I wondered if I would ever have anyone look at me like that again.

There was a knock at the door, and we all turned our heads, expecting it to be one of Marco’s many family members. Instead, my heart clenched when I saw who was standing there.

“Look who’s here.” Marco smiled. “It’s your uncle Logan.”

Marco’s best friend, Logan Blake, stood in the doorway with his thick arms, short-trimmed black hair, and his famous grin, which slipped from his face when he spotted me. His green T-shirt tightened around his chest as he lowered his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Hey,” he said, greeting Marco and Amelia and shifting his eyes over to me. Then he put his head down and started to back away. “I just wanted to come by and drop off a little something for Gia.” He held out a little pink gift bag with white tissue paper, and placed it on a chair by the door. His hands moved nervously across his jaw. “But I got a call from the station just before I got here, so I’ll have to come back later.”

I could just ignore him like I normally did, but I didn’t want to do that this time. Logan wasn’t fooling anyone, and as Marco’s best friend, he had just as much right to be here as I did. Ever since last year and the horrible scene I caused at the cemetery, Logan and I have steered clear of each other. If Marco and Amelia had people over, he would either show up before or after I got there. And on the few rare occasions where we ended up in the same room together, he kept his distance and avoided me at all costs.

I was grieving when I lashed out at him, but it was painfully obvious that we couldn’t keep tiptoeing around each other. He was doing Marco a favor by delivering the news to me the day my husband died in a car accident.

“Logan,” I called out as he was turning to leave. He stiffened and looked over his shoulder. “Can we go out into the hall and talk for a minute?”

He cleared his throat like he wasn’t sure what to do. “Of course.”

“I’ll be right back.” I patted Amelia’s leg as Logan followed me out of the room.

I looked for a place that would grant us a little privacy as we walked down the long hallway, but there wasn’t a spot to be found. Not with the number of people milling around. “On second thought, do you have time to join me for a cup of coffee in the cafeteria?”

He stopped and stared at me with hesitancy. It was probably no more than a few seconds, but it seemed like hours before he finally answered, “Sure.”

We headed toward the elevators, and for once, I was grateful that they didn’t take forever. We moved to the side so doctors and nurses could scatter in before the doors closed. I was standing directly behind Logan when he pulled out his phone. I couldn’t help but notice how his arms flexed as he texted away on his keyboard. The man had some serious muscles.

The doors pinged open, and he held his hand out so I could step out first.

“Do you want to grab a table while I get the coffees?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t mind waiting in line with you. Besides,” he looked around, “it’s not too crowded. We shouldn’t have any trouble finding a place to sit.”

Thankfully, the line moved quickly, and before I knew it, we found a wide-open spot right in the middle of the cafeteria.

I lifted my coffee and blew inside, taking a small sip. “I’m just going to cut to the chase.” I set the cup down. “I want to apologize for how I treated you at Drew’s funeral. I wasn’t myself that day and you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

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