Page 29 of Finding Limits

“I never really thought about goin’ any place else. This is the only home I’ve ever had and the only life I've ever wanted.” He frowns as he watches the water meander through the rocks in front of us.

“Well, I think it's perfect. It’s pretty and it's calm.” I take a seat beside him.

“Kinda like you.” He turns his head to look at me. “Now, do ya understand why I want you to see the world? There's so much more like this out there.”

“No one's ever gonna see the whole world,” I laugh, trying my best to lighten his mood. Up to now, I’ve had the best day of my life, I don’t want it to be ruined by him thinking he knows what’s best for me. “I think the world is what you make it, and you’ve made your own little paradise here.” I think back to the time when my world was in that bunker. I woke up every day hoping it would be my last. I became numb and unaffected by all the things Abraham did to me. I let myself believe that what he and Solomon did to me was normal. Now I’m away from it all I’m realizing how horrific it all was.

“You should make your own world too.” Mitch picks up a stone and throws it into the water. “Meet a guy your age, get married, have some kids.”

“I can’t have kids,” I tell him, picking up a stone myself and launching it at the water. It doesn’t go as far as Mitch’s but it does make an impressive splash.

“Sure ya can, you're gettin’ better every day. I’ll bet two weeks ago you would never have seen yourself sitting he?—”

“No, I mean, I can’t physically… It’s one of the things that was done to me back at the village.” I close my eyes when I see the horror on his face. It’s why I don’t speak to people about this stuff, it’s just as hard for them to hear as it is for me to say.

“They did that to you?” His hand grips at mine and his voice sounds just as shocked as it is angry.

“Unfortunately, they did, so there are no kids in my future. And I guess there’ll be no husband either because who wants a wife that can’t produce children?”

“Everleigh, you're not in the village anymore. People don’t think like that. Plenty of women who can’t have kids of their own still become moms. And men don’t measure women by how many kids they can give ‘em. They get married because they love ‘em and because they don’t want to spend a single day without ‘em by their side. Believe me when I tell ya, Evy, it won’t be hard for you to find someone to love ya.”

“And what if the person who I want doesn’t want me back?” I ask him, wishing I could know what goes on in his head and why he’s so determined to deny what this could be.

“Come on, we should get back to the ranch.” He stands up and dusts off his jeans, cutting the conversation before it even gets started.

We ride all the way back in silence, and for some of the journey I drop off to sleep with my head resting back against Mitch. That scent of hard work and leather seems to have become a comforter to me and I fear nothing when I’m with him, today is proof of that.

The yard’s much quieter when we get back and when Mitch lifts me down from the saddle, I follow him into the stable and smile when I see the horse he brought home with him yesterday.

“Hey, you.” I head over to stroke her and she blows in my face like she’s happy to see me.

I watch Mitch take the saddle off his horse and get him some water and can’t help admiring how good he looks while doing it.

The guys I saw out in the yard earlier may be younger than him, but Mitch seems to have something they don’t.

I’m starting to understand why the woman in the book Savannah gave me likes the things her man does to her, so much. When he touches his woman she doesn’t flinch, when he puts himself inside her it brings her pleasure not pain, and in one part I read he’d kissed her between her legs purely to make her feel good.

“You okay there, darlin’?” Mitch laughs to himself when he catches me daydreaming.

“Yeah… I’m fine.” I blush when he interrupts the vision I have in my head of him with his mouth on me.

“You’re lookin’ a little hot, you want me to get ya some water too?”

“Honestly, I’m fine.” I get back to stroking the golden-colored horse and try to ignore the strange pulse that’s beating in the pit of my stomach.

Ican feel it happening, that thing I spent fifty years avoiding, is coming at me like a ten-ton truck.

Just looking at Everleigh hurts, she’s beyond beautiful, she’s beyond anything I’ve ever encountered in my life and the thought of those cult assholes taking something so precious from her makes me murderous.

Everleigh would have been a good mother, she’s caring and nurturing. She constantly puts other people's needs before her own, and it’s cruel that she’ll never have the chance to grow a child of her own inside her body.

She seems determined to prove to me that she belongs here and I wish it was as easy as that. I can’t take advantage of the submission that's been embedded into this girl. She needs proper help, and she needs to explore all the other options that are out there for her. I can see her getting better every day, and soon she’ll start believing in herself. Until then I’ll be the man who she clings to in her sleep, even if I’m setting myself up for heartbreak.

We manage to get out the yard without anyone speaking to us, and once we’re back in the truck, I drive toward the cabin, admiring the way she looks out the window as the wind blows through her hair. The thought of a girl as pretty as her being interested in me seems laughable.

I’ve never struggled to find female company and I’ve brought many women back to the bunk house, but never have I considered settling down with any of ‘em. I’ve never wanted more than a few hours of their attention, and I’ve certainly never been good at giving them any of mine.

With Everleigh it’s different, I could spend hours just looking at her. Every little thing she does fascinates me, even the way she’s started chewing on her hair when she’s reading one of Savannah's books. I love the way whatever it is she’s reading makes her blush. I love the way her hands feel when they touch me, and I love the idea of the man I want to be for her. There’s no denying what this is now, I’ve watched many men fall victim to it. Now I understand why Garrett never lets Maisie out of his sight, and why Wade went off the rails after Leia married that sick little Mason bastard. I get why Cole lost a part of himself when Aubrey died and how he found it again in Savannah, but that doesn’t make our stories the same. I can’t let myself drown in this, because there will come a time when I have to let her go.

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