Page 71 of Raze

“I’m doin that right now,” I tell him, hating that I can’t tell him what I know, but I owe it to Eden to let her have the life she wants without him railroading it.

“Wrath, I promise that we will find your sister and bring her home, but you can’t compare this to what’s happenin’ with Eden. We both know it ain’t the same. Your little sister needs you, mine don’t need me. All we can do is focus on makin’ this a safe place for them both.” The words hurt but they seem to work. Wrath closes his eyes and drags his hands through his long hair and I slap him on the back, letting the guilt of what I’m holding back from him weigh heavy on my shoulders.

“Ya’d think you takin’ that cocky bastard’s eye out woulda taught him somethin’.” He looks toward the door with a smirk, and despite the hurting we’re doin’, we both laugh as we head back out to the barroom.

“This was such a genius idea, think of the exposure the club is gonna get with all this media hype.” Alicia sounds excited as she helps me decorate the donation buckets that the boys are gonna place beside their bikes. I know Raze would never admit it but he’s excited about today too. He’s had the guys spend hours getting their bikes in prime condition and he’s come round to the logic behind my idea.

I’m feeling much better since I spoke to my father a few days ago too. He assures me that he knows Kane is alive and well because he’s got eyes on him. I don’t know how, and I figure it’s best I didn’t ask, but it feels good to know that our father is paying an interest in both of us, even if it is a little late.

Raze being so busy and the fact I had a full battery on my phone gave me the opportunity to talk for longer during our call. He asked loads of questions about me and I got the sense that he regrets not knowing me better when I was younger. Maybe it’s a far-fetched idea, but I like to imagine that one day, maybe he could meet Raze. That he might become a small part of my life, and Raze would accept him because I’ve forgiven him.

Me and Raze don’t speak much about my past. I do all I can to avoid the subject, but he’s very aware that our dad let us down and I know he judges him badly for that.

I told Dad about Raze and some of the other members of the club who are kind to me. I spoke to him about my fears for Kane. I guess my father knows better than anyone how dangerous the Reapers are. I know people think of the Souls in the same way, but they're wrong. No man in this club would ever attempt to force a woman to have sex with him. They may be killers and criminals but they have a heart. At least most of them do…

“What do you mean the media?” I pull myself out of my head and focus on what I just heard.

“Corey said his girlfriend's father has a connection at NBC, they’re gonna be doing special coverage on the event. You better choose wisely what you're gonna wear, girl, because this pretty face is gonna be going nationwide.” She laughs as she stands up and places the bucket she’s finished in front of Griller.

“I don’t know why you're givin’ it to me, I ain’t goin’,” he grunts at her, sounding frustrated.

“Why ever not?” She places her hand on her hip. “Raze said all members were to be there.”

“All members except me. Apparently, I don’t give off the right image.” He picks up his beer and knocks it back.

“Well, maybe that’s because you’re drinking at 9:30 in the mornin’.” She snatches it off him and places it on the table behind her so it’s out of his reach.

“It ain’t mornin’ if you haven’t been to sleep,” he points out, leaning forward and curling his arm around her so he can take it back.

“Do you want Peyton to talk to him and see if she can change his mind?” Alicia looks over her shoulder at me and smiles like she’s expecting some encouragement from me.

“I don’t wanna go to the lame thing anyway.” He shoves the table forward and gets up, takin’ his beer with him as he heads for the door.

“What the hell’s his problem?” She takes her seat back beside me again, but I ignore her question. I can’t shake off what she said about all the coverage the event will be getting. I’ve been really looking forward to this, but I can’t risk my face being all over the news. What if someone from the Reapers sees it and remembers me from the night Malice died? What if Kane sees it and decides he doesn’t want me to be here with his rivals? Him coming here would cause a war and I’m not ready to face up to the fact I will never be able to have them both in my life.

Kane’s too far gone, he’s spent so long trying to be one of them and make up for our father’s disloyalty that he would never give up on his dream. It’s such a shame because the life he wants so badly could be right here if he’d just wear a different patch.

“I think we’re just about ready to go.” Raze steps into the clubhouse looking sexy as hell in the black jeans and tight black tee he’s got on under his cut, and I’m really sad about what I have to do next.

“I’m not coming,” I tell him, letting him see how disappointed I am. I’ve been looking forward to today ever since he agreed to take part but I can’t take the risk.

“What do you mean you're not comin’?” Raze looks confused as well as horrified as he makes his way over to me.

“I’m not feeling too good, I’ve got a terrible headache. It started this morning but it’s getting worse.” I slide my hand across my forehead to sell the story.

“You never said, have you taken somethin’ for it?” He seems concerned as he crouches down in front of me and checks my temperature with the back of his hand.

“Raze, I’m fine. I just need to get my head down for a few hours. You go and have fun.” I smile at him.

“You know, I was really lookin’ forward to ridin’ through town with you on my saddle.” He strokes my cheek with his thumb, “But I guess a fundraiser ain’t gonna be no fun with a headache. You need me to stay and take care of you?” he checks.

“No, it’s important that you go. You're the club president. I can let Griller know if I need anythin’.” I look over to his miserable face and smile when I realize he’s returned from his tantrum.

“As long as you're sure.” Raze kisses me before he stands up.

“You take care of her.” He points a warning over to Griller and I watch him and all the others head out the door. Alicia looks at me sadly as she leaves with them and I hear the engines roar to life and pull out the gates.

“I guess there ain’t no point in me hangin’ around here. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” Griller slams his way out the door and since it looks as if I’ll have to amuse myself for a few hours I pick up the crossword book that I’ve been working on with James.

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