Page 74 of Condemned Soul

“We may have all taken our cuts at different times but we all made the same promises and signed ourselves up for the risks this life brings. What you're doin’ here is keepin’ me out there with my family, and there ain’t enough gratitude in the world that I can give you for that.” I tell him, trying my best to keep it together.

“It’s where you belong.” He smiles at me.

“I hope ya took Monica’s advice and had some protection worked somewhere into your deal.”

“Don’t be worryin’ about the deal I make here, that's my business, you just keep the finances on track, and try and repair some of the damage done to Long Beach. Raze is gonna have his work cut out, the last thing he needs is financial problems, I don’t care where you have to draw the money from to help him out, you make it happen.”

“So, Raze is taking the job?” I ask, knowing that, last I heard, he hadn’t given a straight answer.

“He’ll take the job,” Prez assures me with a confident grin on his face.

“How’s Jessie?” he asks when I go to get up and shake his hand.

“He’s in denial, and he’s sure he’s gonna find you away outta this,” I tell him knowing, as well as Prez does, that it’s gone too far for that now.

“Have his back. The first year’s gonna be the hardest, but I know that kid’s gonna do amazin’ things for the club.” I see the pride on his face and nod.

“I got his back, Prez, just like you got ours.” I shake his hand and somehow manage to hold in my emotions when I turn my back on him and walk out the door.

“Jesus Christ, he’s sick.” Hayden shakes his head as he looks at the body that I’ve just dragged out the back of the cage. “Did he chop off his arms before he died?” He follows me, carrying a limb in each of his hands.

“With a hacksaw,” I tell him, letting the blunt I’m smoking hang from the corner of my mouth as I pull the body by its ankles toward the pit I’ve dug ready for it.

“So this is your happy place?” Hayden takes some time to look over the landscape at Sinnerman’s Quarry after he tosses the arms he’s holding into the hole.

“We don’t have to talk while we do this,” I tell him, kicking the sick fucker’s corpse into the pit and picking up the gas can. I shake the gasoline out to make sure he’s covered before striking a match and throwing that in with him. The flames pick up and so I take the blunt that I’ve tucked behind my ear and light it back up while I watch them flicker.

“Do they always smell like that?” Hayden chokes as he watches the skin blister and melt from its flesh.

“Everyone has a different smell,” I tell him, remaining focused on the body and wishing he were alive to feel what was happening to him.

I’m sure Jessie made him suffer, but nothing he could have done would have made up for what’s on this man’s conscience. I think about Rogue and how she suffered as a little girl, all because sick cunts like these can’t control their repulsive urges. She tries every day to act like it don’t affect her anymore, but every once and a while I see glimpses of that scared, little girl come to the surface. I’ve seen that even since all this shit with Prez has been happening. She’s angry at the world for the sacrifice Prez is having to make, and so am I. Jimmer has been a constant in my life since that day he found me working at a motel. The thought of the club without him doesn’t seem right, at all.

Jessie, making his way through these men, is his way of coping and I’m gonna have to find mine because I need to be strong for my girl. Rogue falling apart, ain’t an option. She’s suffered too much, and she’s the strength for too many people around here.

I continue to watch the body burn while Hayden paces the ground, having no idea how much evil there is rotting beneath his feet and we wait until all that’s left of the bastard Jessie killed is ash and bone. I start to shovel the earth on top of the body, the smoldering burns my eyes, but it’s nothing I ain’t used to.

“How’s Rogue copin’ with all this?” Hayden asks when he notices what I’m doing and starts to help. “Paige is bein’ real quiet, about it all. I think the girls are tryin’ to put on a brave face for Ella, but this is a big change. It’s gonna affect everyone. Right?” I don’t answer him, just focus on getting the job done so I can get outta here and get back to Rogue.

* * *

I walk through my cabin door to an unfamiliar smell and one helluva fuckin’ mess. Then freeze as I look around the kitchen at all the devastation that has Rogue in the center of it reading from a cookbook.

“Oh, hey.” She looks up and smiles at me. “I’m just doin’ some baking.” She shrugs her shoulders at me as if that's perfectly normal Rogue-like behavior. There's flour all over her clothes, in her hair, and covering the kitchen surface. The basin is loaded up with mixing bowls and when I look at the table I see all the burnt, misshapen attempts of cookies.

“Bakin’?” I can clearly see that, from the mess in front of me, but it doesn’t make it any easier to believe.

“Yeah, Grimm, baking. You got a problem?” I can tell from the tone of her voice and the aggression she’s putting into pushing the rolling pin through the dough she has on the counter that she’s had a bad day.

“No, darlin’.” I shake my head and try not to smile.

“They look great.” I pick up one of the charcoal cookies and wonder if I should risk taking a bite out of it.

“Lydia says it’s what she does to distract her, she made a batch up for all the kids earlier and gave me the recipe. I had to go around and borrow some shit from the girls, and I’ve had a few trials but I think I’m gettin’ somewhere.” I watch the way she focuses as she screws the cookie cutter into the dough, half poking her tongue out as she uses a spatula to slide it onto a baking sheet.

“You smell like dead-body-bonfire. Take it you burned up the pedo Jessie killed last night?” She uses her wrist to brush the hair outta her face and leaves a dust of flour on her forehead.

“Yeah.” I look down at the dirt and blood that’s still staining my hands and clothes. I’ll never have to hide who I am with Rogue, she doesn’t just accept me for what I am and what I do, she embraces it.

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