Page 71 of Condemned Soul

“No,” Prez answers me back bluntly.

“You have to stop bein’ stubborn, inside you are gonna need all the help you can get. We don’t have enough men.” I give it to him straight.

“And what makes ya think one more is gonna make any difference?” He frowns.

“Because that one man would be me, and I owe you a lifetime of gratitude.” I do my best to make him understand.

“Screwy, this ain’t the way to repay me.” He shakes his head and massages his temple like his head is hurting.

“How else do I show you how much what you did means to me? Jimmer, you knew where we came from. You took in a cock-sure asshole and his mute brother without any question, you never judged us on our pasts or questioned how we ended up where we did. You welcomed us, and you gave us a home.”

“I’ll tell ya how you can show me.” Jimmer scratches his stubble and leans forward. “You go back to the club, you thank your old lady for the cookies she made, and then ya tell her ‘bout all the things you wanna give her. You make that girl, who’s been through hell, promises that you can keep because that’s what all this is for.

D’ya know what I saw the day you and your brother came to my clubhouse? I saw two young men, with passion in their eyes and hurt in their hearts. I saw the loyalty between you both, and it was the kinda loyalty my club thrives on. Screwy, you may not have a lot to say and you may not let many people through that hard exterior of yours. But I can read you, and I know that you see yourself as a burden. I know that you think your brother would be better without you sometimes. And I’m gonna tell you right now that you're wrong.”

I shake my head, hating how exposing all this feels because he’s got me.

“Squealer needs ya, he didn’t follow you into that cuckoo’s nest to protect ya. He needed to be by your side because you’re part of each other. You ground him, and it don’t matter how many men he could take down in a fight, havin’ you by his side makes him feel twice as strong. You don’t just do that for Squealer, you do that for every single member of the club. You do that for my grandson, he looks up at you and knows that with you around no harm will come to him. I don’t need you on the inside. I need you out here, protectin’ my family. Makin’ ‘em feel safe.”

“They’re gonna kill you in there.” I don’t know if anyone has had the balls to say this to him yet, but he needs to hear it.

“That don’t scare me.” He looks me straight in the eye and shows no weakness.

“It scares me, and it scares everyone at home,” I admit, watching the way he swallows deep.

“This is the way out, this is how it has to be. It’s my choice.” There’s a long silence, that neither of us know how to fill.

“Thank you.” I hope that the man sitting in front of me knows that no words will ever describe how grateful I am to him. My life has changed so much since I met Lydia, and this man gave me the foundation I needed not just to save her, but to keep her.

Prez says nothin’ just nods his head and opens the lid on the box so he can grab himself a cookie.

“These are real fuckin’ good,” he tells me with a mouthful of crumbs.

“What’s on your mind, Daddy?” Riley straddles my lap, distracting me from the work I’ve been throwing myself into.

“You know I hate it when you call me that,” I remind her. “And you know that I love how you punish me for it,” she teases me with her lips until I grab her face and hold it still so I can kiss her.

“Jas has the kids and I missed you while you were gone on that run. You can’t have more work to do.” She rests her arms back on the desk showing me what I’m missing out on, and making it a real challenge to focus.

“Riley, Prez asked me to get this squared up and I wanna see it through for him.”

“And it can wait till the morning.” She pouts.

“No.” I shake my head firmly, trying to pry the deeds for The Black Pearl out from under her ass.

“Thorne, I know what you're doing.” She folds her arms under her tits and gives me that judgy, little stare that makes me wanna ruin her all over my desk.

“I ain’t doin’ nothin’. I’m just tryin’ to put shit right for Prez.”

“No, you're avoiding talking to me. You're shutting out your feelings and throwing yourself into all this crap so you don’t have to think about the fact that you're losing one of your best friends.” She calls me out and don’t it just make me wanna fuck the cleverness right outta her.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and shake my head when I realize I can’t hide from her how I feel.

“I already lost Tac, I don’t wanna lose him too.” I throw the pen I’m holding at the desk as I let it all out and show my fuckin’ weakness. Riley’s been through so much, I’m supposed to be the strong one.

“Doesn’t that feel better?” she pulls me closer and as I breathe her in all I can think about is how grateful I am, not just to have her, and the kids, but that a man I’ve always looked up to is giving everything up so I get to keep ‘em.

“Sometimes I hate myself for draggin’ you into all this. You shouldn’t have to worry that ya could end up alone with the kids, you deserve better,” I admit, feeling powerless. Things could have been so different had a different agent been on this case, and if I had Cliff Adams in front of me right now, I’d strangle the fuckin’ life outta him for what he did.

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