Juniper shook her head. “Sadly, I’m not strong enough to teleport you back home from the shadows. You’d have to make that journey the long way. However, I can send you a book Mrs. Agdluak gave to me from their home library. It’s… sensitive.
“There are secrets in this book that could destroy your pack. But you’d also find all the answers you’ve been searching for. Godspeed, Isla. I hope to see you soon. Goodbye.”
Shadows swirled around Juniper and then she disappeared, just as strangely as she had appeared in the first place. In her wake was an ancient, leather bound book. Isla picked up the text and ran her hand through the cover. She took it to the reading table and flipped through the tome eagerly.
There was a more extensive text about the bond mark. Apparently, the bond mark only worked when there was a mutual attraction between the two parties. There would have been unbearable pain if Fannar had marked her without an existing attraction.
Juniper was telling the truth. If Fannar hadn’t broken the bond, it would have killed her when she ran away. On the other hand, breaking it all by himself would weaken him significantly and potentially kill him. He sacrificed his life for mine. And I’m killing him by staying away.
Isla closed the book and wrapped it in a plastic bag. She would return it to Mrs. Agdluak in person. She was finally going back home.
Chapter 20 - Fannar
Summers in Frost Peak were colder than Winters in most places, but for every Frost Peak wolf, the difference in the weather was a welcomed relief. The sun shined a bit brighter, and the winds were not nearly as cold.
Fannar listened to the sweet song of birds as he drank in the warmth from the sun in an almost dreamy state. The view from the balcony was nature at it’s finest, but Fannar kept his eyes closed.
He had come to enjoy sitting outside for long periods every day now. This place always reminded him of Isla, and it was a bittersweet feeling for him. As much as it hurt him to sit there, he couldn’t think of anywhere else he wanted to be.
He knew he was falling apart inside. He was breaking down and nothing felt right in his body. The slightest tasks left him weak and exhausted, and he couldn’t walk a few steps without stopping to catch his breath. He had gone from a young, powerful man to frail, old one in the space of a few months.
The servants brought his meals to him at the balcony, and often removed them completely untouched. In the first month, his mother had tried her best to give him company and force him to eat, and after a couple of weeks of tolerating her, he asked to be left alone.
The solitude and silence matched how he felt inside, and he embraced the melancholy that came from watching snow covered mountains for hours. He couldn’t find the will to do more than that—he didn’t see the importance in trying.
His wolf had also grown silent—had been silent for months—like it was in hibernation. That absence echoed the bigger absence of Isla, one that he didn’t think he could ever learn to live with. Together, they sapped every iota of strength from him, leaving him so depressed he could have been mistaken for an invalid. And maybe I’m one, after all.
Nothing mattered to him anymore. Not his family, not work, not the pack. Not his friends. He hadn’t attended their usual meeting in months, and they had decided to call an intervention for him.
Fannar had spent the better part of two hours listening to them tell him just how loved and appreciated he was, and the whole time he’d hoped and prayed for them to get out and leave him alone. Why couldn’t they understand that he just wanted to be alone? Why was that so difficult for them?
To make matters worse, they visited often with their partners and kids. They meant well, but it was hard for Fannar not to fantasize about what he could have had with Isla if she’d never run away. She was gone, and now the thought of family tasted like bile in her mouth.
Callahan’s wife, Josie, made special, sweetened revitalization potions for him, and practically forced the stuff down his throat. “I may have married someone from another pack,” she’d said one afternoon, “but I’m Frost Peak deep in my bones, and you’re my alpha. I also didn’t forget how you helped in saving my life, so I will do my best to preserve yours too.”
What’s the need? He’d thought quietly. You have everything to live for, and for me? I have nothing. Nothing that can be compared to what I had with Isla, that’s certain. I’ve lost that, and now nothing else matters to me..
Isla’s mother had taken to blaming herself for everything that happened, and had asked Fannar for forgiveness a million times, even though he wished she would also just leave him alone. Apologizing wouldn’t bring Isla back, and Fannar was starting to get comfortable with the fact that nothing ever would.
Two days ago, Juniper said that she’d finally found Isla. It had taken the witch months to bypass her own barriers. “She’s in New York, Fannar,” she said excitedly. “Did you hear that? I finally found her and I can take you to her.”
Fannar said nothing, he just sat staring out into the mountain range. Deep inside him he felt something stir. Something familiar, but it was buried too deep, under layer after layer of pain, hurt and ruthless rationalization. If anything, he was only glad that she was safe.
“Really, Fannar? Even that kind of information doesn’t get a reaction out of you?” Rowan asked heatedly. “Do you have any idea how hard Juniper has had to work, breaking the very handy seals she placed in that ring? And now, you’re just going to fucking sit there and stare at… at… nothing! Come back, Fannar. We have found her.”
The sudden outburst caught him by surprise and he felt anger stir inside him. Just like every other emotion, though, it was buried too deeply inside him. He just didn’t care enough about anything. Moreover, Rowan had never spoken so strongly to him before.
He got up and inclined his head at Juniper. When he spoke, his voice was harsh and raspy, like a sword that had lost its edge. “Thank you, Juniper. I’m grateful for your relentless help and kindness. Rowan.”
He left them without another word, shuffling out of the drawing room with short, difficult steps. He seemed to bend under the strain of his weight when he walked, and everyday, that ordinary task became more and more difficult.
What Rowan and Juniper didn’t know was that Isla didn’t want to come back to him. He still remembered how he had seen her last, how her personality had changed completely, and how she had broken down.
If that was how she would be beside him, he would rather she was free elsewhere even if it killed him. He loved her too much to have her here with him against her wish. He told her just how much she meant to him and how in love with her he was. That had not stopped her from running away from him the first chance she got. It was foolish to expect anything different.
Fannar didn’t know when he drifted off into sleep, but somewhere in his subconscious, he felt something stir inside him. Something drew on his senses, touched his mind and pulled him from unconsciousness.
He followed the source of the stimulation, a sound, and wrapped his entire mind about it. The sound was a voice, a voice he would recognize even if he were submerged under water. Isla. His eyes shot open and just like a dream, she was crouched beside him.