Page 153 of Cast in Conflict

Not yet.

“I want to be part of her flight,” Emmerian said, the words elongated and rumbling with the depth of the much larger Dragon throat. “I want to fight by her side, as I fought—long ago—by the side of my closest companions. If she is to war against Ravellon, I want to be beside her. I want to—how do you put it?—have her back. Always.

“You do not see her. You see her as a Dragon. But Kaylin—had I been born to, or brought to, her world, I would have seen her as my queen; I would have had no other.”

She stared at him. None of this—none of the regard he had just put into words—had ever leaked out. He served the Emperor; he was like a...a minder. A guard. She had only seen him leap to her defense once—and he had been humiliated by it, by the lack of control, the lack of trust.

No, she thought; he trusted Bellusdeo; it was Helen, the cohort, Kaylin that he didn’t trust.

He had stepped back—he had had to step back—because some necessary layer of protective armor had been stripped back completely, and what it had revealed was too raw, too wrong. It went against every word he had just spoken—and she thought it went against every word he had once believed.

She swallowed. “And that’s all?”

“It is not. I want her to bear a clutch of my eggs. I want the children to be of both of us: the Dragon I admire and would have sworn my life to, and...me. I’m not worthy of her. I know I am not. I will not be, no matter how I strive—and the ability to strive in war or battle is gone; only the battle against Shadow is left us in which I might—might—prove myself.”

“Don’t,” she surprised herself by saying. “You’ll never believe it. If you compare yourself to her, you’ll never, ever believe it. No matter what you do. No matter how well you do it.

“Look—do you think she likes people because they deserve it? Because they’re worthy of it? If she did, she’d have reduced Mandoran to a pile of ash on day two. She’d never have moved in with me. If you’re not worthy of her now, how am I? Because I’m Chosen?” Kaylin inserted a single Leontine word.

“I am not talking about like.”

“Then what? Love? Aren’t they the same?”

“I begin to understand the corporal’s difficulties far more clearly. What I want is not the same. Were I to serve her, were she to be the leader of my flight, I would be hers.”

Kaylin nodded.

Emmerian exhaled a stream of fire. It wasn’t aimed at Kaylin, but it was hot. “I do not want—I am not certain I could survive—temporary.”

Kaylin waited for the fire to die down.

“After we visited the first time,” she said, meeting giant dragon eyes as she carefully chose words, given how very red they were. “You two went off to talk. Did you discuss any of this?”

Silence.

“You were talking for hours. What did you talk about?”

“The Tower. The Tower, the Tower’s question, the necessity of the Towers, Ravellon.”

“You didn’t talk about what Karriamis said about being guardian of your race at all?”

“No.”

“You know you’re allowed to bring things up, right? That’s why it’s called a discussion?”

“She is allowed privacy. Had she wished to discuss it, she would have mentioned it herself.”

Kaylin was frustrated.

Don’t be. If you’re angry at Emmerian for not opening discussions about extremely personal, difficult subjects...

Yes?

It’s what I do. Severn’s internal voice was soft.

But doesn’t that put the pressure and onus entirely on Bellusdeo?

Do you feel that the pressure of any discussion we have is entirely on you?

---