Page 11 of Taking Control
He played me.
He made me think that I had a slither of control over this meeting today.
And now he’s snatched it away from me.
He only allowed me enough time to sever my ties a little bit more.
The smirk on his face tells me that he knows what he is doing.
I feel like I take one step forward, and then three steps back.
I should have taken my chances and gone with Cal on that awful night, but Michael’s threats of going after my friends has kept me in the petrified state that I have become accustomed to. I couldn’t live with myself if he hurt Cal, Kim or Jeremy. I won’t allow them to become victims like I have.
But there is that little part of my brain that continues to whisper, “What if?”
What if I had believed that, in time, Michael would have left me alone?
What if I had trusted that Cal would have protected me, fought for me, loved me enough to save me?
What if, what if, what if.
Instead I push the what ifs to one side, leaving me facing a bleak future with no way out.
Chapter Ten
Never-ending cycle
I am sick of my own thoughts.
I hate how pathetic I have become.
Fucking broken.
I despise how weak I am.
The person I once was is a ghost that haunts me.
My self-respect has all but crumbled away.
Trapped.
Alone.
Confused.
Unsure.
All of these things combined make everything harder to process.
My plans to escape are becoming more clouded.
My judgement becoming fogged.
I see no way out.
There is no light at the end of my tunnel.
As his fist connects with my side, I bite down hard on my lip to mask the cry of pain.
