Page 12 of Taking Control
This is my punishment for trying to outwit him, he says.
This is what I deserve for trying to get Kim back in my life, he says.
When will I learn that I only need him, he shouts.
Another punch, a stifled yelp.
And another.
That’s three, but this could go on for a while.
I close my eyes and my legs give way.
I tumble to the floor and curl up into a ball, covering my head with my hands.
I envision life without Michael.
I think of a world where I don’t have to hear him threaten to hurt my friends.
I dream of life with Cal, my saviour who I pushed away.
I continue to let Michael rain down blows on my body. I couldn’t fight him now even if I tried.
My fight is diminishing with every second that passes.
My hope dying with every breath.
My sanity threatening to crack and leave me in constant darkness.
My heart shattered beyond repair.
The woman I used to be, lost to this violent monster.
I am fucking broken.
Chapter Eleven
Hidden bruises
I move slowly, my aching body silently screaming in pain. Yesterday’s lesson-to-be-learned seemed to go on forever. The only parts of my body left untouched are my face and my arms. No bruises visible for others to potentially see. No bruises on show for questions to be asked.
It takes me an age to get ready for work, but I battle on. It takes me longer than usual to walk to the office, but I continue to put one foot in front of the other.
Michael says nothing. He just waits patiently for me to catch up to him every now and then. He is trying to show remorse for his actions, but it has no effect on me.
I don’t want to hear how sorry he is, how he didn’t mean it or how much he loves me. I don’t care about why he feels the need to teach me his so-called lessons on how I should conduct myself or how I should stop embarrassing him.
Right now, as of this moment, I’m done trying to get away.
Giving up seems like my only option.
He’s always one step ahead of me, watching my moves, feeling me out.
He will never let me walk away, run, hide, whatever the fuck I might try and do, he would always be there, taunting, watching, chasing.
All I can do is try and behave myself, watch my step, and count down the hours, minutes and seconds until Michael goes too far and eventually kills me. Because he will. I have no doubt.
And I’m too scared to do anything about it.
